Ten preseason stroylines

If the bustle of preseason player movement is any indication, the 2008 season will likely fail to transpire the same way its predecessor did. After all, with key departures (Andy Dorman, Pat Noonan, and possibly Avery John) and the arrivals of Chris Albright (LA), Mauricio Castro (Honduras), it’s fair to say that this isn’t your older sibling’s Revolution anymore. Which, of course, leads us to a categorical listing of a few questions – ten or so, to be exact- worth contemplating throughout the season.


1. How will Taylor Twellman's flirtation with the transfer wire affect his play?

No doubt, Twellman was not happy about being held back from such rich deal with Preston North End after the club's $3.5 million bid was rejected by MLS. But with full knowledge of his true worth on the international market, will Twellman sulk and have an off year? Or will he light the league on fire in hopes of furthering his value once the transfer window opens back up in August? That's the question that will have the greatest impact on the Revolution’s success.

2. Who will replace Pat Noonan up front?

Right now, the early favorite has to be second year forward Adam Cristman. The former Cavalier had an impressive rookie season (4 goals, 4 assists in 28 games), and looks the most capable of assuming Noonan's former role. But don't overlook a pair of dark horse candidates. Sainey Nyassi and Abdoulie Mansally are both intriguing options should Cristman struggle. That being said...

3. Will the attack flounder without last year's second-leading scorers?

Without Noonan and former attacking mid Andy Dorman, the team's attack could very easily stagnate. There's no doubt that both exits put the club in an unenviable position of trying to duplicate the success it had for the first two-thirds of the 2007 season. Noonan and Twellman shared an almost telepathic understanding of each other on the pitch, while Dorman set the league on fire in the first half of 2007. The loss of both may signal some unwelcome early-season growing pains.


4. Which rookie will make the greatest impact in '08?

The freshman in the catbird's seat right now is first rounder Rob Valentino. The Bay Area product spent all of last season recovering from a preseason injury, but his height (6-3) could suit him well on a vertically challenged back line. Should the club switch to a 4-4-2, Valentino's chances of making the First Kick starting XI would obviously increase greatly.

5. Can Wells Thompson and Adam Cristman avoid the sophomore jinx?

Ah, the dreaded follow-up year after the rookie season. They don't coin it the sophomore jinx for nothing (see: Khano Smith and Ryan Latham). Cristman and Thompson solidified their spots by midseason, and never let them go. This season, the weight is squarely on them from the get go. Can Thompson, who struggled in the postseason, improve on the right? Can Cristman handle a season’s worth of abuse that Twellman regularly gets barraged with? These will be interesting questions for the sophomores going into the 2008 season.

6. Will the Revolution abandon the 3-5-2 this year?

Manager Steve Nicol has stated that he’s going into the preseason with an open mind to see which formations work best given the team's personnel. A glance at the roster right now lends itself to the idea that with a bulk of defenders, and some questions in the midfield, it's entirely possible that the 4-4-2 may be the formation of choice this season. However, don’t be surprised to see the return of the favored 3-5-2 sometime during the season, especially if Honduran international Mauricio Castro proves to be the playmaker he’s been advertised as.

7. How will Mauricio Castro fit in with the rest of the squad?

When the Revolution announced Castro's signing earlier this week, the consensus could have been summed up in one word: finally. Not so much for the player per se, but for the fact that a glaring need - i.e. the attacking playmaker - had been filled, at least on paper. From most accounts, Castro, 26, is an aggressive player not at all afraid to charge the box, and is also very good on the dribble. Additionally, the former Honduran National Teamer (four caps) has experience taking free kicks, and - get this - he's not past his prime. Castro could very well become the showstopper that the Revolution has been missing since Clint Dempsey left last year.

8. Will Joe Franchino return to his glory days?

The former skipper will look to rebound from a tough year in which he spent the bulk of 2007 on the injured list. But will the combination of age and recent injury prevent him from becoming the Joey of old in 2008? It won't be an easy road to plough. But if anyone can do it, it's the gritty veteran that The Fort boisterously chants will kick the opposition’s you-know-what (rhymes with: grass).

9. How will U.S. Open Cup, SuperLiga and CONCACAF Champions League obligations affect the team?

The recently-minted MLS schedule shows that there is only one regular-season match in July - an appropriate July 4th tilt in Hollywood. Other than that, the month is devoted to sweltering summer training sessions and extracurricular tournaments, which, should the club fare well and advance in these tourneys, could lead to late-season bottleneck of matches. Given that, the club's depth will be tested like never before. Oh, and to compound the problem further: World Cup qualifying will likely cost the Revs the services of Twellman and Michael Parkhurst at some point this summer as well.

10. Can Chris Albright stay healthy?

It was a heck of a trade the Revs pulled that brought the former National Teamer to Foxboro. Albright gives the club more of that magic word: versatility. He can play in middle, in the back, or up front in a pinch. But injuries have dogged Albright in recent years (missed all but five games in 2007) enough to put a giant question mark over his head. Can he stay healthy enough to make the impact that's expected of him?

BONUS: Where's Avery John?

If you know, please let Nicol know as well. Because according to the gaffer himself, he hasn't heard from John in quite some time. The only thing we can go by at this point is the rumor mill. Pick one to adhere to: He's going to be traded to Columbus. He's going to sign a deal overseas. He's going to open up a used car dealership (okay, I made that last one up). Through it all, it appears that the strongest possibility is that he’s simply played his final match for Revs.

The Monday Morning Question

Ok, so now that Pat Noonan's packed his bags for Norway, the purveying myth endures: that player moves abroad will somehow improve the National Team by having its players play in Europe. Personally, I buy that excuse about as often as Paris Hilton buys her own lemon drop shots.

So let me ask you:

Does Pat Noonan's move overseas benefit the national team?

Discuss!

Goodbye, Noonan...

So much for another quiet offseason in Revolution Land.

Less than a month after Andy Dorman handed the gate attendant at Logan International Airport his one-way ticket to Scotland, Pat Noonan punched his own ticket abroad by signing with Norwegian club Aalesunds FK on Thursday, thus proving that the barn door in front of Gillette Stadium is indeed still swinging wide open.

Noonan was free to solicit international interest after the Revolution, with whom he had played his entire five-year professional career, declined to pick up his contract option during the off-season. With nearly no negotiating leverage afforded to him within MLS, the scruffy forward, who has also been capped 14 times with the US National Team, put himself on the international free market and successfully attracted the attention of the same Norwegian side that plucked former Revolution goalkeeper Adin Brown in 2004.

For Noonan, the opportunity to enhance his skills abroad, as well as put a little more coin in his pocket, must have been a no-brainer. In addition to playing in a competitive forum like the Norwegian Premier League, he also provided himself a well-lit stage to boost his international profile, which would certainly bode well for a lucrative transfer in the future.

Yet, no matter how great the deal is for Noonan, it is the exact converse for the Revolution. Without Noonan, New England, whose attack struggled mightily during the final weeks of the regular season and throughout the postseason, will be hard pressed to fill the shoes of one of its best attacking players. While forward Adam Cristman is certainly the early favorite to replace Noonan up front, there's much to be said about the symbiotic relationship Noonan and striking partner Taylor Twellman had in New England. Together, the pair combined to form one of the most potent forward lines in MLS during the past five seasons, scoring a combined 128 goals during that span. As a result, the club reaped considerable returns: five consecutive postseason berths, not to mention three consecutive MLS Cup appearances from 2005 through 2007.


Although the Revs have addressed an admitted problem area – defending - with the addition of veteran Chris Albright via trade and the selection of two tall defenders (Rob Valentino and Matthew Britner) in the MLS SuperDraft, the club has been astoundingly lackadaisical in acquiring the necessary pieces to revitalize the attack. The fact of that that the club’s goal production became absolutely putrid during the final weeks of the season seems to have been completely forgotten. Clearly, many assumed that the team would address this need somehow – be it through the draft or through player acquisitions. So far, the club has done little to address this issue, other than select a pair of collegiate midfielders, one of whom – Mike Videira –may never even don a Revolution kit.

In the span of three weeks alone, Noonan and Dorman, the club’s second-leading scorers, both of whom, by the way, also accounted for over a quarter of the team's 51 goals in 2007, have signed elsewhere. Suffice to say, things up front have gone from bad to worse.

The expectation of another playoff run, something taken for granted by some, may well become a thing of the past. If recent history tells us anything, it’s that the attack will likely become a stagnant shell of its former self without Noonan around to breathe life into it. During Noonan’s injury-riddled 2006 campaign – one in which he saw action in only 14 matches – the club was starved to the tune of 39 total goals, their lowest total since 2001. By the way, 2001 also marked the last time the club failed to make the playoffs. You do the math.

Of course the loss of Noonan is more than just a player signing elsewhere for better wages. Rather, it’s the latest brushstroke on a disturbing portrait of an organization that is failing to retain its best players. First it was Dorman. Now it’s Noonan. Soon it may be defender Avery John bidding the Revolution faithful adieu as well. It’s becoming a disconcerting development that some of its best players will no longer take a hometown discount to stick with the club. To compensate, the club is haphazardly placing its high hopes on its largely unproven youth, and in doing so, praying that saving a buck or two now will pay dividends in the future. But the old proverb – you get what you pay for – may doom them before they realize it.

Scrooge England Revolution?

Cheap.

It's a pretty unflattering term. But, in the past two weeks alone, I've received numerous e-mails from Revolution fans "commenting" (and I use the term advisedly, since there may be children reading this) on the transfer bid for Taylor Twellman, Andy Dorman's departure, and now, Pat Noonan's club option being declined. Despite the varying topics, there's one prevailing theme among the fan feedback:

The Revolution organization is cheap.

It's not a completely unfounded (or recent) argument if you consider the club's recent track record of contract negotiations with its own players. When given the chance, the club has repeatedly refused to shed its cheapskate label, despite the fact that an unused designated player allocation and some leftover cash from the Clint Dempsey transfer are beginning to attract moths.


That being said, let's take gander at the club's track record when it comes to player contracts.

Exhibit A: Taylor Twellman. The club’s all-time leading scorer signed a four-year contract that, on average, pays him close to $400,000 annually, which isn’t chump change by any means. However, when English side Preston North End reportedly offered as much a $2.5 million transfer fee for the Best XI striker last week, it was apparent that he was clearly worth much more. Twellman's value, in terms of both the club and the league, has greatly risen over the last year alone, and though he signed his contract extension prior to last season, a market adjustment would appear to be warranted for such a vital component of the Revolution machine.

Exhibit B: Shalrie Joseph. Another player at the center of a transfer bid - this one made by the illustrious Celtic FC. The Scottish club made multiple offers for everyone’s favorite Grenadian, and at one point, reportedly offered as much as $2 million for his contract. Naturally, the bids were rejected each time, though all parties involved stood to benefit greatly from the proposed transfer. Embittered by the proceedings, Joseph declined his appointment as club captain prior the start of the 2007 season, as the failed transfer and ensuing contract negations had soured him. After interest cooled, Joseph, perhaps seeing little other alternative, signed a contract extension in August for a figure that probably wasn't even close to the amount money he would have received abroad.

Exhibit C: Andy Dorman. Can you believe that the newly-baptized Buddie was making a schoolteacher's salary ($30,870 according to MLS Underground) last season? Neither can I. After a pretty good season during which he became the club's second leading scorer, you have to believe that the underrated attacking midfielder was due for a pay raise when his contract expired at the end of the year. Instead, the club balked at his requested figure (which, according to reports, wasn’t unreasonably high), then waved goodbye to another crucial piece of their successful playoff-caliber puzzle.

Exhibit D: Now comes Pat Noonan. The highly-regarded striker and childhood friend of Twellman has partnered up front with his old buddy for the past five seasons –all of which the Revs have clinched playoff berths. It’s hard to dispute that the attack is remarkably better when both are on the pitch. Granted, Noonan has had some difficulties staying healthy at times, but when he's fully fit and ready to go, there aren't many better forward lines in MLS. Plus, it’s safe to say that a certain Tecmo Bowl-playing pal would not be pleased if Noonan were to walk.

In hindsight, the recent streak of success of this club has enjoyed must be further appreciated given the organization's tightwad tactics. It's almost an aberration (albeit a fantastic one) that amid all of this player unrest, this club has still made it to three consecutive MLS Cups. But it would be foolish to think this trend will last forever, nevermind the foreseeable future.

This season has the potential be a big year for the Revs. But it also has equal chance to reek of a rebuilding year in which a playoff appearance would be impressive enough. Dorman's presence will be missed, and should Noonan go as well, no rookie or newcomer would be able to adequately fill the respective voids on such short notice.


In essence, Revolution fans are tired of it all. Tired of having their talent club come up short. Tired of seeing management failing to extend itself beyond the “we gave it our best effort” excuse in terms of signing new players. Tired of shortchanging its better players. Tired of reading about the Red Sox and Celtics doling out the necessary cash for big names to improve their teams while the local XI continues to ride the backseat of the New England sports bus.


Most importantly, they’re tired of the organization not doing enough to not only make their club better, but by extension, not doing enough to promote the game of soccer in a region jam-packed with sports fans.

Sunday Morning Striker: Revs blast FC Dallas, 4-2 - No videotape required!

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock or recently awoken from a lengthy coma, you’ve surely been inundated with the news of Bill Belichick’s less-than-savvy video surveillance tactics. Reportedly, the Pats head coach sent a video assistant to film their opponents’ defensive coaches in an attempt to decipher their defensive signals at halftime.

The shrewd undertaking committed by one of the best head coaches in NFL history has certainly left the region buzzing about the embarrassment and shame this incident has cast on the New England Patriots organization. It’s one thing to be clever – within the rules. But after the NFL specifically addressed this type of incident during the preseason, everyone in the league was well aware of the crackdown that would soon follow on the practice of videotaping the opponent’s sideline.

Luckily, Sunday Morning Striker has it under good authority that Revolution manager Steve Nicol has not resorted to such unsportsmanlike methods.

But, as he often likes to do on Friday afternoons at the office, SMS began to imaginalize: What if Nicol did unleash an anonymous Revolution employee to scour the secrets and strategy of FC Dallas during this weekend’s match? (cue the Wayne's World "doo-doo-doo-doo...doo-doo-doo-doo..")

After tough first half, the players and coaches head to the locker room, whereby Anonymous Revs Employee hands over an ominous tape, the contents of which could be potentially damaging to the former Dallas Burn.

Nicol (pointing to the VCR): Laddy, cue the tape.

Audio: "Can you believe the hotel rooms? Two words: mini-bar."...."I dunno, he was saying something about his girlfriend's missing panties..." "Wrecked'em? Damn near killed him!"

Nicol: Fast forward it a bit...

Audio: "I am stuck on band aid brand cuz band aid's stuck on me..." "...The Foxy Lady? How far is Providence from here?"

Nicol (clearly agitated): a little further...

Audio: "Fifth row...third seat from the left...blonde hair..." "Nice..." "Damn, I got burned by both Stephen Jackson and Drew Brees did nothing for me last week? 16 combined points? What the ---"

Nicol: Bloody hell! (Ejects the tape and slams it to the ground.)

(End imaginatory sequence)

So, as you can tell, this premise would fail to accomplish much, if anything, in soccer. The audio, though intermittently entertaining, would only lend itself for blackmailing purposes.

Wait a minute...maybe it would work in soccer!

Back to reality, a revitalized Revolution attack warmed the cool New England air Saturday night, as they emphatically throttled FC Dallas 4-2.

While the Revs had been soundly defeated by DC United in the nation’s capital less than a week previous, the supporters must have arrived at Gillette Stadium wondering whether a repeat performance was about to occur.

Adding more uncertainty was the fact that manager Steve Nicol had to watch this one from the locker room, as his red card during last week’s loss resulted in suspension from this match. Temporarily taking over the Revolution reigns was none other than the Ipswich Town legend himself, Paul Mariner.

Any such fears of an encore were not easily erased when Dallas’ (herein after “the Gondoliers” for their red-striped kits) potent trio of Carlos Ruiz, Abe Thompson, and newly-acquired Brazilian playmaker Denilson stalked the eastern end of the pitch. Yet, the trio of Avery John, James Riley, and Michael Parkhurst kept them at bay early on.

Though the backs kept their end of the bargain, it was the forwards that had to deliver as well if the club was to pocket a critical three home points. Pat Noonan answered the call when he took a pass from Khano Smith on the left flank and flicked the ball into top shelf for the opening goal of the match in the 29th minute.

The Gondoliers turned their attention toward salvaging the equalizer in the 35th minute when Dax McCarty launched a long, floating free kick into a hive of striped and navy gentlemen. As the players all jockeyed for the ball, it was Ruiz – el pescado - who impeccably timed his jump and headed it right into the back of the net. (Note: I wonder the Spanish word for – ah, forget it)
Steve Morrow’s boys kept the pressure on the backs yet again during a mad scramble in front of the net when the ball dangerously bounced around like a Mexican jumping bean. Then, when it appeared that the final bounce appeared goalward, Parkhurst ended the chaos by athletically heading the ball over the bar in the 37th minute.

With SMS’s bladder about to burst due to a couple of Aquafinas and a pre-match soft drink, he hoped for a quick Revolution strike to put them up before the close of the first frame. Minutes later, the whistle mercifully blew - but without the hoped-for goal.

Now, SMS is going to share with you a secret of his. During halftime, I feel the need to stretch the legs and leave the confines of his generously-sized, cupholder-equipped throne from his section 102 dwelling. In order to accomplish this, I walk down the East ramp to the ProShop, where he is tempted to purchase numerous Revolution items and apparel. The ongoing question is “do I need this?” as he touches various jerseys, hats, and hoodies. Successfully keeping my impulsive buying habits at bay –therapy has done wonders - I returned to my seat, and like the homer that he always is, hoped for a gaggle of Revolution goals in the second half.

It looked promising early. The Revs had taken control of possession in the opening minutes of Half Two, as the attack “ooohed” and “ahhhhed” the crowd with a few prolonged possessions in FC Dallas real estate, but these endeavors failed to produce.

However, their efforts were rewarded in the 65th minute during a hasty counterattack which saw the ball transferred between Jeff Larentowicz and Steve Ralston, who paced close by on the right. Ralston took the pass from Larentowicz, and devilishly pushed the ball middle to Pat Noonan, who one-timed it past Dario Sala for the double.

Goal number three nearly came in the 74th minute when Taylor Twellman tried to join his strike partner on the scoresheet by taking the ball mere yards in front of Sala. But, Drew Moor stood his mark up, and smothered the attempt before it even approached his keeper.

The Revs continued to press, and with less than fifteen minutes in regulation, a frustrating scene occurred when no less than four Revolution players touched the ball within ten yards of the box – and no shot to show for it. Amid the tantalizing affair, Ralston burrowed through defenders, took a close pass from Twellman, and fired the ball off of Aaron Pitchkolan. Undeterred, the captain cleaned followed up on the deflection, re-acquired the ball, and fed the goalmouth at minute 78.

A touch of late-match drama unfolded when Ruiz struck again from a quick pass from Dominic Oduro and quickly headed it top-shelf, thus narrowing the gap to one goal in the 84th minute.
The goal energized the Hoops, but their aggression on offense left them painfully out of position in the 90th minute when Smith corralled a deflected ball yards before the box and powerfully heeled it inside the far post for the final goal of the match just before regulation expired.

Stat of the Match, Part 1: The Revs scored four goals for the first time since they scored four against Toronto FC back on April 14th.

Stat of the Match, Part 2: Khano Smith scored his first goal in nearly a year. His last one came on October, 14 2006 vs. Columbus.

Stat of the Match, Part 3: FC Dallas hasn’t won at Gillette Stadium in over four years. Their last win at the Razor came on July 16, 2003.

Stat of the Match, Part 4: The Revs tallied three yellow cards during a five-minute span during the closing minutes, when Adam Cristman (83’), Shalrie Joseph (86’) and Matt Reis (88’) all received bright yellow presents from referee Kevin Stott.

Stat of the Match, Part 5: The Revs will face FC Dallas again on October 3rd for the U.S. Open Cup Final. With their win Saturday night, New England is now 19-9-1 all-time vs. FC Dallas.

Random Soccer Related thought: Shalrie Joseph and Asante Samuel – separated at birth?

The OH-BAY-BEE Sweet Play of the Match: Khano Smith twice turned Gondolier defenders down the left flank, but the most notable one occurred in the 43rd minute. After taking a pass from Parkhurst, the Tall One, being closely marked by Pablo Ricchetti, turned him left as the Bermudan went right and fired a shot on Sala. Though the shot was stopped, the play was sweet. SMS was amazed to see young kids waving t-shirts and hoodies in approval despite the cool temperatures.

G-Unit signs a DPA before the September 15th roster freeze: While the Revs were busy booking plane tickets back to Serbia for Dusan Petkovic, the soon-to-be-signed-before-injuring-his-ankle defender, G-Unit made a monster signing by agreeing to terms with rap star Jim Jones. The move is significant because of Jones’ street cred paired with catchy lyrics.

This signing got SMS wondering: what if the Revs signed a big name soccer star? Oh wait a minute…that would actually require paying more than the going rate for rookies and sophomores. SMS’s bad…

Adam Cristman can’t find Uzbekistan…for real: After sorting through Thursday’s mail, SMS was pleasantly surprised to find the Revolution’s own Adam Cristman in Sports Illustrated’s “The Pop Culture Grid” section. Among the categories, the rookie forward says that Lindsay Lohan was his favorite celebrity scandal of the summer, Red Stripe is his favorite beer, and “Goodnight Moon” was his favorite book as a child.

In the same section, Rapids midfielder Pablo Mastroeni offered his own PG-13 responses: One Night in Paris was the last DVD he bought, his dad’s magazine stash was listed under “Favorite book as a child”, and finally, with the summer over, Pablo can now “ditch (his) banana hammock.” Ugh, after reading that, SMS just vomited in his mouth a little bit.

SMS Alma Mater Soccer update: The RIC women had three matches on the schedule this week. The first one, a home match vs. the U.S. Coast Guard Academy on Tuesday, was postponed due to torrential rain.

The second match, also at home to Wheaton College on Thursday night, was a disheartening affair that featured an overwhelmed home side doing their best to keep the 15th ranked Lyons at bay. Unfortunately, RIC fell hard to Wheaton, 5-0.

On Saturday, they traveled to UMass-Boston and played the Beacons up in the Hub, where they returned to their winning ways, taking a 4-1 victory. Laurie Lindsay chalked up a double, as teammates Brittney Godbout and Jessica Cardinal each tallied a goal in the Anchorwomen win.

Revs wish for home crowds like that seen at Wednesday’s Brazil-Mexico match: Yours truly was present for Wednesday night’s Brazil-Mexico match, and was absolutely floored when he entered the stadium to find over 67,000 fans on hand to watch a soccer game. Yes, this was truly an amazing sight, one that I had never witnessed in person, as I stared in awe upon a sea of canary yellow surrounding the pitch.

Interestingly, there were also a few Revolution players also present for the match, and stated that they had wished the same turnouts for their matches. An insightful piece from The Boston Globe’s Frank Dell’Apa detailed the same:

"It was unbelievable, from the time we got there 30 minutes before the game," said midfielder Shalrie Joseph, a native of Grenada who has played more than 10 international matches for his national team. "It was one of those atmospheres that as a soccer player you'd love to play in.”

Of course, it would be ideal to see these types of crowds at Revolution matches. But the organization did itself no favors that night - there was little advertising or promotion of the Revs during the match. In fact, I overheard some spectators nearby ask whether there was a pro team that played here.

The Revs front office could have easily promoted the club before 67,000 hardy soccer souls, but for unknown reasons, bypassed this golden opportunity. The only hint that pro soccer team played at Gillette was a breif flashing of the Revolution logo during halftime, without any mention of ticket deals, prices, or any other pertinent info. And people wonder why there aren’t more fans for Revs games…

SMS Monthly Book Recommendation: For those of you who may wonder what the big fuss about David Beckham is about, pick up John Carlin’s “White Angels: Beckham, Real Madrid, and the New Football.”

The book is exceptionally written, and the author’s personal football allegiance to Real Madrid gives the story a unique personal touch. In addition, it also explains Beckham’s worldwide popularity, the characters behind the scenes of the world’s most visible (note: profitable) side, and the human element of how a group of superstars like Zidane, Ronaldo, and Becks, despite their amazing collective talent, can fail against lesser sides.

US Women’s National Team feature: The women played a tough match against North Korea on Tuesday, as they drew 2-2 during a rain-soaked affair. Abby Wambach and Heather O’Reilly scored during what could be argued as the most competitive match this year for our women.

Three days later, the Americans faced the aesthetically-pleasing Swedish squad under drier conditions, and easily beat them 2-0. Wambach struck again, this time with a pair of goals, giving the US a critical three points in group play, thus placing them atop the Group B standings with North Korea.

The women will kick off against Nigeria on Tuesday morning at a more reasonable 8:00am local time, as opposed to the prior 5:00am start times for the North Korea and Sweden matches. For those of you who care, I diaried both matches from my lovely living room couch before the sun came up. Needless to say, my work productivity slipped this past week.

Join us again after the New York match, where SMS will report back on what facial expressions Bruce Arena will have cooked up for the camera. That alone should be entertaining. But like you, SMS is greedy – I want the goofy reactions and the three points! Perhaps the stars will be correctly aligned for both! Additionally, I will detail another no-fail idea of how the Revs can bring more fans to Foxboro.

Got a question, comment, or deeply-held grievance? Send an e-mail to SMSRevs@gmail.com. Please know that Sunday Morning Striker may, just may, choose your e-mail on a completely arbitrary basis for publishing right here on Revsnet.com.

The Random Mid-Week Rant

You gotta love Steve Nicol keeping the core of the Revolution together. Guys like Pat Noonan, Taylor Twellman, Matt Reis, AJ, and Shalrie are such a pleasure to watch. Pessimists might call it stagnation...hisss! I call it consistency, although it wouldn't hurt to bring in another lad to help improve the club's overall depth. It's sad to note that someday, all these guys won't be on the same pitch together. Why do I wax about this?

Over the weekend, I scoured the local comic book store to find a title involving a character from one of my favorite comic books. I purchased New Warriors #3, as I had heard a rumor that my favorite character from the series - Chamber - was "reincarnated" in the New Warriors book as a character named "Decibel."

When I was an adolescent, I faithfully read Generation X, by far the the most interesting comic book I've ever stumbled across. As much joy that was provided through my devotion toward its monthly updates, I was deeply saddened the book was cancelled in six years ago. Since then, I have scurried through comic book stores attempting to replicate the joy that Gen X provided me as a youngster.

As an adult, without a secure ongoing and interesting comic title to keep me pre-occupired, this current Revolution squad has, in essence become my Generation X. Something that allows me a wonderful distraction from the real world, and provides the same kind of joy that I once attained from sitting against my bedpost poring over the grainy pages of the comic.

Yes, the likes of Noonan, Twellman, and Shalrie , like comic book heroes, won't stick together forever. The shelf-life on this group of footballers has been pleasantly extended with contract extensions to Twellman, Noonan and Reis. But it won't last into my 30's or 40's. Years from now, after the pieces have been divied among other MLS clubs and/or international sides, will I still check in on them every so often, if only for a reprisal of how things were in the past? Surely, much like I continue to do with the comic characters of my youth.

In the not-so-distant future, I'm sure some talent-laden crop of rookies will replace these fine gents long after they exited the confines of Gillette Stadium. But in the interim, it's been one fantastic ride so far.

Sunday Morning Striker: Revs cast curse on Wizards, 2-0

From the time MLS was officially birthed in 1996, the question has remained: how can the league do well to attract fans to watch pro soccer here in the States? Sure, the easy answers are family-friendly prices, free parking, and wonderful opportunities to interact with players. But on an exclusive basis, SMS has found the true answer to bringing in fans.

First - a little bit of background. It was last May when SMS took Sergio, Official 12-year old Cousin of SMS, to his first MLS match vs. Houston. We sat behind the net near the Fort, and while he was surely entertained, he was impressed with one thing: the cup olders.

Yes, Gillette Stadium has many wonderful amenities, but among the finest, at least to twelve year olds across New England, were the cup holders. Thinking nothing of this innocent statement, I laughed it off, and said "Yeah, the cup holders are great, but what about the game? Did you like it?"

He laughed, and nodded in agreement, and to my delight, asked when we would be able to see them play again.So with that thought in the back of my mind and two tickets to last night's KC-Revs match in my wallet, I posed the question of whether he would like to catch another Revs game at Gillette.

His response? "Sure! Do they still have those cup holders? Those things are so cool!"
So the key to attracting young fans is simple: add cup holders to every seat of every MLS venue!

MLS, my agent is standing by should you need to contact me regarding additional ideas for bringing in more fans.

Anyway, there was quite a match on tap, and with two of the Eastern Conference's most high-powered clubs squaring off, SMS predicted (albeit, inaccurately) another shootout much like the May 26th affair, which ended 4-3 KC. What a match to take the kiddies to!

The Wizards kicked off at 7:08pm ET, and although they possessed first, it was the Revs who soon took the title of owner/CEO of the adidas Teamgeist ball for much of the proceedings Thursday Night.

The Revs were immediately pounced and began to breath down the K.C. defense in the 2nd minute off a fortuitous free kick awarded a yard before the box. With a reprisal of last match’s free kick duo, Jeff Larentowicz and Steve Ralston both positioned themselves for the kick before Ralston stepped up and thumped a ball toward net. Though the ball missed its target, it deflected off a KC defender and fell fortuitously to birthday boy Pat Noonan, who just missed the close range shot on goal.

As if rolling out the red carpet for the home side’s attack, Taylor Twellman breezed through the back line during the 10th minute. The striker approached Kevin Hartman’s zip code before taking a quick shot mere yards away that fell silent against the side of the net.

K.C. finally managed to attack during minute 16, when Wizards striker Eddie Johnson cocked and fired a hard shot that skipped wide of the far post, finally putting the Revs on notice of their potent (32 total goals this season) attack.

Minutes later, during the 25th minute, the Wizards, in a display of birthday cheer, allowed Noonan to go full-steam ahead through the box before the birthday shuffled, stopped, but ultimately failed to muster the sufficient thrust to push the ball past Hartman.

Carlos Marinelli threatened to spoil the birthday celebrations when he rocketed a shot off of defender Michael Parkhurst that forced Matt Reis to bat away – almost out of harm’s way – before the ball collided with the woodwork rolled back to Reis.

In an amazing one-two sequence of events that began in the 41st minute, the Revolution faithful rose from its feet when Khano Smith sliced down the pitch before firing a cruise missile aimed right at Hartman. The attack momentarily halted, the Revs returned less than a minute later when the red carpet was once again rolled out – this time for Andy Dorman – and the lanky mid sent a skipper that was once again stuffed by a rather-busy El Gato.

The Revs continued their dominance of the bouncing orb for the opening minutes of frame two, and confidently assembled the troops in the K.C. end. Then, the all-out assault commenced when Smith positioned himself on the left wing and delivered a majestic cross to Twellman. Instead of taking the point-blank shot as defenders quickly converged, Twellman immediately headed the pass in mid-air to Noonan on his left before the scruffy striker finally unwrapped his present and banged home the goal at the 55th minute.

(Editor’s note: For the alternate perspective on this sequence, SMS provides the following, courtesy of Yankees announcer Suzyn Waldman: "OK, hang on everybody. Pat Noonan is still in the KC box, he's got the ball, but the Wizards aren't coming back! Oh my goodness gracious! Of all the dramatic things, of all the dramatic things I've ever seen, Pat Noonan is standing right in Kevin Hartman’s box with the ball on his foot and the Wizards aren't coming back!")

Clearly unsatisfied with a one-goal advantage versus the likes of E.J. and…E.J., the local 11 continued to overtake possession, despite the best efforts of the guests. At minute 73, Dorman once again stirred up trouble by firing an RPG directly at Hartman, who began to resemble a human piñata with the abuse he began to take as a result of his matador defending corps.

Conversely, the Revs back line harassed E.J. & Co. like paparazzi around Paris Hilton’s Range Rover. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide – and right in front of a live national audience!
Coach Steve Nicol stamped his classy signature on the night by substituting Adam Cristman for birthday boy Noonan, who received a warm round of applause from the home crowd. Yet, the move proved to be more than just for ceremony, as Cristman immediately hounded the ball in Wizards territory.

Somehow, the Wiz positioned themselves twice in the waning minutes to acquire the equalizer off of two threatening corner kicks.

However, the Revs immediately countered after the second attempt, after Reis astutely smothered the corner and flung the ball toward Ralston up field with lots of real estate before him. The captain raced toward the right before mailing a perfect cross to Cristman on the left. The rookie took the feed and quickly took the pass before pushing the ball past an off-guard Hartman to cap the festivities, giving the Revs a valuable three points against the second-place squad.

Stat of the Match, Part 1: Pat Noonan has now scored in three consecutive matches, with each of them assisted by Taylor Twellman.

Stat of the Match, Part 2: Prior to Noonan’s recent goal-scoring binge, Twellman had goose egg in the assist column this season. He now has three.

Stat of the Match, Part 3: The Revs beat K.C. at home for the first time this millennium. The last home win came on September 7, 1999.

Stat of the Match, Part 4: With Noonan and Cristman’s goals in the 55th and 91st + minute respectively, it marked the first time this season that both the starter and substitute each scored a goal in the same game for the Revs.

Stat of the Match, Part 5: Matt Reis has come up with the clean sheet in 39% of his games this season. He has seven shutouts in eighteen MLS matches thus far.

Stat of the Match, Part 6: Despite the grumbles of many, the Revs are still undefeated on the Gillette Stadium FieldTurf, having gone 5-0-2 on it.

Stat of the Match, Part 7: Not to be forgotten in Noonan’s spectacular birthday performance is Jay Heaps’ 31st birthday on the very same night. It should be noted that Heaps also had a great night on the pitch as well by commandeering the Revs backs to an impressive blanketing of the dangerous K.C. attack.

The AND1 “OH BAY-BEE!”Play of the Match: In the 66th minute , Wizards mid Carlos Marinelli gleefully traipsed near the box, shaking hands and kissing babies in a crowd around him. No sooner did he finish that when a floating ball came hurtling down to his outstretched leg. With his back to the goal, he then cradled the ball, turned, and fired on the rebound before the warhead screamed over the bar. Though the shot missed, SMS definitely saw some youngsters in Section 104 with mouths covered in disbelief, and many long tees waved in delight.

Random soccer-related thought: It’s not just the LA Galaxy that’s coming to Foxboro on the 12th…it’s David Beckham and the LA Galaxy.

Random semi soccer-related thought: Kansas City obviously does not use OxyClean for their white unis, as SMS noted that the road clubs jerseys were less than white. Then again, SMS has nothing to substantiate that the Kansas City jerseys are even washed during the season. (I kid, I kid!)

Recent jersey purchase: No jersey this week, but rather an artifact from the USA’94. For a mere $12.97, SMS was able to purchase a like-new, USA ’94 Apex One Windbreaker, much like the one occasionally worn by Bora Milutinovic back in the day. (Note: SMS is still in search of a Milutinovic wig to match.)

The “MLS Hates the Revs” Conspiracy update: Further proof that the powers that be certainly smile in depriving the Revs of the spotlight whenever possible: espn2 has decided to pick up Sunday's LA Galaxy-Toronto FC match, which may mark the MLS regular season debut of Mr. Beckham. Since espn2 can only broadcast a set amount of matches per season, the casualty of this scheduling change is the Revs-Rapids match the following Thursday. Which just goes to show...MLS hates the Revs.

How do you say “JoJo” in Portuguese? With the recent news of Freddy Adu's $2 million transfer to Portuguese Liga club SL Benfica, SMS was pleased to see the wunderkid land at the club, which just so happens to be the Portuguese club of choice for yours truly. In all seriousness though, the situation is the best fit for all involved.

First, Adu's star in MLS had all but burned out - in fact, quite prematurely - given the fact that the former RSL/DCU midfielder is all of 18 years old. The star of the 2004 MLS SuperDraft was traded to RSL during this past offseason, but never really fit into manager Jason Kreis' scheme. Plus, Adu's exorbitant salary for a small-market club like Real was certainly not helping the club and a transfer or trade. Lastly, with Adu's contract set to expire at the end of the season, MLS smartly cashed in on the star's recent showing in Canada.Adu never reached the star placed so astronomically high above him in MLS.

Value diminished and look to start anew, Adu never really settled into Kreis' struggling side. Then, the magic and wonder surrounding the newly-legal star appeared during the FIFA U-20 World Cup in Canada, and suddenly, Adu was reborn.

No one will dispute that Portuguese Liga is on par with EPL, Bundesliga, and La Liga. While Adu reportedly garnered mild interest from Manchester United during the offseason, the more appropriate forum for a talented youngster like Adu is a lower-tired European league like the one in Portugal.

The league itself has born many attacking talents, namely, a 21-year old Cristiano Ronaldo, and most recently, one-named youngsters Nani and Anderson, both of whom transferred to Manchester United in June for a reported $22 million combined. My point...ah yes, my point - good move!

(For further reading on this, check out Frank Dell'Apa's piece on the transfer on espnsoccernet.com)

Misleading advertising, the Sequel: While yours truly was returning from Wednesday's training at Payson Park Field (a place that will be discussed in a future entry), he encountered a flyer at the local gas station that stated the following promotion for the KC-Revs match: Free ShirtFree Plasma TV*

What? A free TV? I'll pitch my tent right outside the newly constructed entry gates for the first crack at hauling one back to the abode! Oh wait a minute...that little asterisk usually means "refer to the small, barely readable print entailing what the caveat is." In this instance, yes, someone can win a 42" Plasma screen TV. However, you must enter to win the TV. Thus the flyer, if it hopes to be accurate, should read, "enter to win a Free TV." Another fine example of shrewd marketing, even if it is somewhat misleading.

Following the match, SMS offered this haiku to the not-so-clean shaven birthday boy:

Happy Birthday Noonan
Maybe Gillette can offer
You a new Mach3?

Another birthday haiku for the fellow birthday boy:

Birthday boy shines on
National television
Nothing gets by Heaps!

Alternate soccer clubs of SMS’s interest update: None at this time, sir. Aaaaaiiiiiiiyeeeeeeee! Although the Stingrays season is over, SMS will boldly go where no semi-delusional, third-person referencing soccer critic has gone before: college soccer. Stay tuned!

US Women’s National Team Feature: She’s earned 162 caps over nine years as a defender for the WNT, and yet, despite the mileage, Christie Rampone still does well to give her opponents headaches. Interestingly, according to her ussoccer.com bio, Christie has a black lab named tiger – but Christie, tigers aren’t black! Anywho, one of the most senior members of the squad will be appearing in her third FIFA Women’s World Cup this September, hoping to help ensure another championship for the USA.

Join us in 72 hours or so on what promises to be another sunny Sunday afternoon for the DC United match. While the next two weeks are going to be quite busy for the boys, the same could be said for SMS as well, with schedule jam-packed with weddings, vacations, family barbeques and llama raising.

Oh, and then some bloke named Beckham will be here next Sunday. Friends and family have been clamoring to SMS in an attempt acquire some sort of Becks-related physical specimen of to bring back them. Tall order, right? Wrong! I will duly bottle and seal with the official SMS Stamp of Approval, high quality, authentic David Beckham air from Gillette Stadium horded mere feet away from the English superstar. Remember, this will be an SMS exclusive!

Got a comment, question, or accusation? Feel free to write me at SMSRevs@gmail.com. Hey, I just may quote you in a future article. Be advised that comments and questions will be selected on a completely arbitrary basis.

Sunday Morning Striker: Revs dismantle RSL, 2-1

The Revs and Real Salt Lake kicked off Saturday night in Utah on the horribly-surfaced, yet refreshingly football line-free Rice-Eccles Stadium, which is actually the real home of the University of Utah football team. For those of you who follow the “other football”, the “Utes” featured a much-ballyhooed quarterback in 2004 by the name of Alex Smith – the first overall pick in the 2005 NFL Draft, made by a then-horrendous San Francisco 49ers team.

Anyway, for those of you eager to acquire the heavy ball and chain, you can hold your wedding at the facility for $2,500 an evening at the Scholarship Reception Room at the stadium. The room seats up to 375 humans, but you’re on your own when it comes to decorations and catering. For those of you who are soccer fans, the price does not include the removal of those horrendous football lines that often poison the view during a match.

Seeking alternate monikers for all 13 MLS clubs, reader Jeff St. Clair suggested RSL be called “the Saltines.” Any objections? SMS approves!

The Revs began early stringing a nice sequence of passes against the one-win club, and the game remained goalless through twenty minutes. The Saltines managed to make it dull and boring against the top-attacking (1.81 goals per game) club in MLS, and early on, SMS was dreading a reprise of the frustrating June 2 proceedings, which ended 0-0. Real reverted to their prior game plan – their only hope against a potent offense like the Revs -purely playing a scrappy, defensive-minded affair.

In the 23rd minute, Pat Noonan drove a shot low toward the near post that was saved by keeper Nick Rimando, giving the Revs a nice opportunity toward the early goal. Soon after, Dorman sent in another shot off the corner, and set off a series of corner kicks that failed to bear fruit for the road side, as the scoreboard remained silent.

Then in the 33rd minute, Rimando robbed Andy Dorman on a nice shot that threatened to give the Revs the first goal. Unfortunately, the ball was intercepted by the RSL keeper, and the match remained tied.

Ralston seemed to keep delivering good balls to his teammates, but each narrowly missed their intended targets. With the Revs clearly dominant in Act One, it appeared it was only a matter of time before the soccer gods would eventually smile upon Nicol’s boys.

Lightning struck for the Revs in the 39th minute, when Jeff Larentowicz sent a long ball to Taylor Twellman, before he headed it in beautifully toward an unmarked Noonan on the right. The not-so-clean shaven striker forward took a couple of crafty steps inside the box and absolutely schooled Rimando on a left-footed laser, giving the lads the 1-0 lead amid the thin air of Salt Lake.

As the half wore down with New England on top, the road side was poised to keep the Saltines below water. Though the home club attempted to break even before the frame closed, the Revs did well to suffocate any threat, and actually attacked late when Twellman went down after attempting to head in a Ralston cross before the half concluded.

The Revs immediately went for the throat as the second half commenced when Shalrie Joseph struck a hard shot before the box that rocketed above goal in the 46th minute, which put the home club on notice that the Revs were not content to sit back and mimic the long-ball approach so characteristic of their opponents.

With the Saltines clearly overmatched and faced to play the ugly route one ball, the Revs continued to attack and pressure the home side.

In the 53rd minute, the Revs threatened on an amazing sequence in which Noonan turned David Copperfield and escaped two defenders before sending a nice pass to his line mate Twellman, before the opportunity fizzled.

After being inserted as a substitute mere minutes previous, Khano Smith came on and laced a hard shot on goal in the 65th minute that kept Rimando on his toes.

Things turned especially ugly in the 67th minute, when Andy Williams slid in and de-cleated Dorman, sending the Welshman down hard to the pitch. Referee Michael Kennedy awarded Williams the dubious red card, which gave the already overmatched club further troubles.

The Pepto Bismol became a requirement in the 70th minute, when Jay Heaps took down Kyle Beckerman in the box, and eagle-eyed Kennedy caught the infraction. Penalty duly awarded to the Saltines, Carey Tally buried the ball past Matt Reis, giving the undermanned club the equalizer in the 72nd minute.

Both clubs played pinball with possession being traded like freefalling stocks between savvy insiders, neither club mounted an organized threat on goal as time ticked away late in the second half.

A chance to reclaim the lead lost nearly ten minutes prior, when Kennedy awarded a free kick to the Revs dangerously close to the Saltine box. Larentowicz took the direct free kick in the 82nd minute and belted out his rendition of “excuse me while I kiss the twine”, as he snipered a low heat seeker that split the wall and hurried into the Saltine net for the go-ahead goal.

With stoppage time extending the proceedings by four minutes, Talley struck a near-goal on a free kick that sailed over the Revolution wall before flying high above Reis. Threat effectively dismantled, the road troops sweated it out for the much-deserved road victory, 2-1.

Stat of the Match, Part 1: The Saltines have only scored nine goals in eight home matches this season.

Stat of the Match, Part 2: Noonan and Twellman have collaborated on three of the past five Revolution goals.

Stat of the Match, Part 3: Prior to Saturday’s match, the Revs last win over Real was back on September 3, 2005.

Stat of the Match, Part 4: After striking four shots on goal in the first half, the Revs did not record a shot on goal in the second half until the Kaiser’s tally in the 82nd.

What can Brown do for you? With a full moon rising above the concrete enclave, Real manager Jason Kreis sent in former Revolution forward Kyle Brown for Chris Brown in the 61st minute.

Misleading advertising ploy catches eye of SMS: After the Revs-Creamsicles match, SMS picked up an MLS-sponsored cardboard promotion in an empty cup holder. The flyer inquired: “Your league, your players. What would you do with $10,000,000?” Upon closer review, the card was actually requesting fans to fill out an on-line survey about MLS. SMS took this survey, and curiously, none of the questions was “what would you do with $10 million dollars?”

First things first though: the genius who designed these ad cards did a great job with the format, since at first glance, it looks like the bearer of the card could win ten million dollars. Then again, we all know that MLS does not have $10 million to just give away to a fan, so those of us not among the pipe dreaming contingent know better. In fact, the actual prize mentioned in the card is $500 shopping spree. Wow, from $10 million to $500…only in MLS!

Anywho, what would SMS do with $10 million towards the league and its players?

First of all, I’d use the first five million to give all developmental players raises. Case in point: Super rookie Adam Cristman will earn $17,700 in 2007, while fellow rookie Chris Loftus will take in a whopping $12,900 this year. Seriously, how do these guys even afford to pay for the late-night pizza?

Secondly, I would buy the necessary land to build a world-class soccer specific stadium in New England. Let’s call the price tag on that a square million. The land can’t sit there undeveloped forever…can it?

Four million left…I would pump three million into mega multimedia advertising, which would include ads featuring the super-hot Jessica Alba or Megan Fox. Then, I would get T.I. to write the remix to the MLS anthem for use during its MLS Prime Time commercials and other spots.
The remaining million would be channeled toward the expense of extra match balls. Why? The remainder of the season, any match ball that flies into the crowd is kept by the lucky fan to hauls it in. Just like baseball. Believe you me, this would be a sure-fire hit with the fans, and create awesome tales for the kiddies to tell at recess.

Let’s talk kits: During a recent discussion on the Chris Creamer Sports Logos board, the issue of MLS kits came up, and it was noted that the Revs have only gone with two uniform combos this season: white/white and navy/navy. This got SMS thinking (and typing a response soon after) – why don’t the Revs go with a navy/white and white/navy combo? I’m not asking for any overhauls – the New England kits are one of the classiest in the league (and throughout this season, remain sponsor-free!). But, a switch once in awhile would be cool.

Speaking of unis, with the other four major sports capitalizing on the cash-cow third jersey trend, why doesn’t MLS do the same? The Gals had a third uniform which featured a blue sash rather than the traditional green one, but after that, there are no third unis to speak of in MLS. Hey…do you hear that sound?

*The gears are turning inside the brain of one SMS*

How about a red Revs uniform? Now, history purists would contend that a red Revolution jersey is contradictory – after all, it was the British who wore red! (Note: this very oversight lasted over thirty years with the Patriots before they switched from red to blue as their primary color in 1993) However, speaking strictly on fashion, a red top/blue shorts would be a great way to push those ever-popular jersey sales over at the Pro Shop.

*Gears turning again*

Then again...how about an old wink o’ toward past with a New England Tea Men inspired throwback kit? Although the old NASL club predates his birth, SMS is highly in favor of such a uni, and thinks the red and yellow kits would be a huge hit with home crowd. Picture this: Twellman, Noonan, and Joseph in the extremely 70s –esque Tea Men kits roaming down the pitch right before your eyes. Note to Revs marketing department: please contact my agent for more proposals and ideas.

Pre-match fare: SMS pre-gamed the Revs-RSL match with the Boa Vista-FC Porto Portuguese Liga match in the late afternoon on Radio Television Portugal (RTP). For those of you who don’t know, SMS is half Portuguese, but, embarrassingly cannot speak, nor fully understand the language. (Side note: the match was advertised Friday night with a start time of “4.30 Amanha.”) Hey, SMS knew what that meant!

Anyway, FC Porto, the king of the Portuguese Liga table in 2006-07, won the match 3-0 over the black and white checkered Boa Vista.

Best week ever: Of all the major sports league commissioners, it’s fair to say that Don Garber had the best week ever among his peers this week. While the commish welcomed Beckham’s arrival during the Gals-Chelsea match last Saturday, other sports commissioners were embroiled in national controversies. So long as Landon Donovan stays away from the dog fighting, the refs stay away from Vegas bookies and the Mafia, and Jaime Moreno shuns the HGH and steroids, Garber will easily have the best summer among his fellow league czars in the sports commissioners guild.

Random soccer-related thought: On the espn2 Bottom Line, the Revs-RSL match stated “NEW ENGLND – SALT LAKE 9:30PM”. It should be noted that there was plenty of room for the “A” in New England.

Slyde had no comment on this item: Taking a cue from Jerry Remy, SMS has a plush Slyde sitting in a quite fashionable oak chair much like the one Wally the Green Monster reclines in during Red Sox broadcasts. Like Wally, Slyde is not typically animated during Revs TV matches, although there was one occurrence during the road match vs. Chivas USA where Slyde slumped over after Jesse Marsch’s goal at the 60th minute. Whether this was in disgust or weariness (the game started at 10:30pm ET) is still unknown, and Slyde is not willing to offer comment on the incident.

Shameless plug, part 1: If you haven’t already visited his critically-acclaimed blog (houseofsoccer.blogspot.com), SMS urges you to check it out. Also, if you happen to be a collegiate soccer player who also dabbles in writing, then SMS wants you to contribute your valuable first-hand soccer experiences! Beginning in late-August, the blog will look to feature the first-person point of view of a local collegiate player. If interested, send an e-mail to SMSRevs@gmail.com.

US Women’s National Team feature: She’s blonde, loves kids, chocolate and cheese (hopefully not together!), and after reading her bio, the floating hearts quickly surrounded SMS! Leslie Osborne may have missed the 2004 Olympics, but was a clear-cut choice for Greg Ryan’s World Cup roster this year. This year, she’s played in 10 of the 11 WNT matches, and figures to be an important cog in Ryan’s potent midfielding corps during September’s Women’s World Cup. Interestingly, she also has an interest in coaching. Leslie, SMS will gladly reserve an assistant coaching spot for you when he commences his indoor soccer season coaching duties with NE 1776 in the Fall – of course, after you come back from China with the World Cup!

Shameless plug, part 2: For those of you who simply cannot get enough of SMS, you are in luck this weekend!

I will be Sean Donahue’s in-studio guest for tonight’s Revolution Recap radio show on WNRI (Woonsocket) AM 1380 at 7pm. If you’re not able to listen live, check out Sean’s website – http://www.revolutionrecap.com/ – for the archive.

Join us after a shortened break when the Revs return to the synthetic confines of Gillette Stadium on Thursday night to face the Wizards. With a mere six points separating first and fifth place in the standings, these Eastern Conference matches are becoming more and more critical down the stretch.

Last time, the Revs would have beaten the Wiz 3-1, were it not for a stellar hat trick performance by Eddie Johnson, which gave the Kansas Citians the 4-3 victory. In the same vein as Greg Lalas’ “Keys to the Game”, SMS offers the following keys to the home club prior to the match: mark EJ a little better this time!

Sunday Morning Striker: Revs and Creamsicles melt to a 3-3 tie

Everyone can relax: SMS has returned from his brief hiatus, one which involved watching the US Women’s National Team play Norway at Rentschler Field in East Hartford, CT.


The match itself was thrilling - with the sheer dominance of the WNT -they're 37-0-7 (put that in your pipe and smoke it!), a cakewalk was anticipated. But, Norway, showing utter and complete disregard for the expectations of SMS, battled and clawed, keeping the U.S. at bay until Carli Lloyd headed home the only goal needed in the 66th minute. SMS truly admires the WNT - how can you overlook a streak of pure domination by any club and not stop to applaud, especially an American one?

As an aside, for all the criticism that Gillette Stadium receives for not being an ideal venue for soccer, it could be far, far worse, Revolution fans: they could be playing at Rentschler Field, which is, by and large, a Foxboro Stadium clone, with even fewer amenities. The stadium is the antithesis of modern sports stadia - back-less benches comprise about 80% of the seating, unpainted and unpadded concrete walls give the surroundings that charming "under construction" look that so many modern complexes lack these days. Calling it drab would probably constitute as a compliment.

But, that's only the view! Wait 'til halftime rolls around, and you and the kiddies stroll up the narrow seat aisles en route to the concession stands. You've got 15 minutes and counting...good luck getting those sodas and hot dogs in under thirty! The lines at the stands were mind-numbingly slow moving, and SMS was not about to miss the first fifteen minutes (optimistic estimate) of the 2nd half waiting in line for a Jumbo pretzel and a $4.00 water. Say what you will about Gillette, but at least the amenities are up to date, and the lines won't keep you from attending your child's college graduation.

In other news, the Creamsicles marched into Norfolk County yesterday hoping to extend their MLS-record 694-minute goal-less streak (“shut-out streak”, to the layperson) against their MLS Cup foes from last season. All things must come to an end, and call SMS an optimist, if you will, but he predicted that the aforementioned streak would come to a halt before the 70th minute of the match.


The proceedings commenced with captains Steve Ralston and Wade Barrett being accompanied by Tweety and Bugs Bunny for the coin toss. Bunny, you may recall, is connected with American soccer as a former mascot for the infamous New York Cosmos of the old NASL.


After the Creamsicles kicked off for the first half, they intruded upon the Revolution end with a series of passes, but did not muster a legitimate chance on goal.

The first sign of what was to come occurred in the 6th minute, when Pat Noonan intercepted a Creamsicle pass deep in their own and end immediately fed the ball to line mate Taylor Twellman. The club’s leading scorer took a touch, and tried to push forward before keeper Pat Onstad smothered the opportunity.


Twellman struck again in the 15th minute when he positioned himself just inside the top of the box and fired a low missile toward Onstad before the keeper harnessed the ball to safety.


As the half reached the midway point, both teams traded fouls as each fought to establish an offensive tempo. Although the Revs created more chances in the Houston end, each attempt was quickly ended with a missed pass or saved shot.


Houston managed their first fine opportunity to strike it rich when Joseph Ngwenya charged the box before he lost footing and, in a last ditch effort, slid a gentle pass goalward that was nearly taken in by an oncoming Brian Ching. Fortunately for the Revs, Matt Reis swept up the ball before it fell into Houston’s hands.


Despite the constant back and forth between Houston and New England, the Revs finally put their foot down when they counterattacked in the 32nd minute. As the lads paraded down the pitch, Twellman passed a bouncing ball to Noonan. Realizing that Onstad was well off his line, Noonan gracefully lobbed a duck well over the keeper before it slowly fell into the back of the net for the first goal of the game. Thus, at 4:37pm ET on July 22, the Creamsicles allowed their first goal since June 10. SMS’s pre-match prediction came true!


As the final seconds of the half ticked away, the Creamsicle attack reorganized itself at the 44-minute mark when Ching took a pass and floated a nice ball to Barrett stationed deep in the Revolution end. Barrett turned, but misfired the shot, as the frame came to and end less than two minutes later.


As the second half commenced, the Revs took the Dynamo by the horns, and immediately established their offensive presence. In a rather jovial sight, the spectators in the Fort unleashed a storm of streamers into Onstad’s goal, causing a brief sequence in which the Revs passed the ball yards way as the keeper must have had to peer through the paper to find the ball. Fortunately for Onstad, no shots found their way to him as the streamers overtook the box, and perhaps, his line of sight.

Soon after the display, Houston counterattacked in the 49th minute, after Eddie Robinson fled toward the left flank and sent a short pass to Dwayne De Rosario. The Canadian launched a long-range missile that sailed just above a Superman-like Reis, as the ball entered the top far corner for the equalizer. 1-1, anyone’s match.


The Revs immediately responded in the 51st minute, when Noonan took the ball into the right corner of the box, and between two defenders, laced a sudden, short pass to Twellman squared right in the middle of the box. Twellman volleyed the ball right into the net, and gave the Revs a brief one-goal lead.


In a hair-pulling sequence at the hour mark, the Creamsicles scored the equalizer and go-ahead in the course of two minutes. The first came off an Ngwenya pass as he closed in on Reis, before sending a short pass to Ching, catching Reis helplessly out of position and easily putting the ball in the back of the net at the 60th minute. Seconds after the goal, Houston found itself pressuring again in the Revolution end, and earned a free kick after Revs defenders frantically tried to stop the surging Dynamo. Stuart Holden took the kick, and sent a menacing ball into the mixer before the ball grazed off of Ching’s melon, and into the Revolution net. 3-2, Creamsicles.


The Revs looked to equalize again minutes later during a controversial interlude that, in itself, had enough material to comprise an HBO mini-series.


To summarize, Ralston took a free kick just above the left corner of the box. The ball went off target, but referee Kevin Stott ordered a re-kick immediately thereafter. On the do-over, Ralston sent another pass that hit De Rosario, stationed in the wall inside the box, square in the arm. As if no transgression occurred, the Creamsicles attempted to jump-start the attack, but Stott ran toward the penalty area, awarding a penalty kick to the Revs.


The contentious sequence did not end there. After Shalrie Joseph fired a grounder to the right on the ensuing penalty, Stott again ordered a redo after the Creamsicles entered the box early. Joseph blasted home the second attempt on a sizzling rocket to left, giving the home club the equalizer. 3-3, who’ll score next?


The lads almost fired home the go-ahead in the 68th, when Twellman was brought down just before the box, earning the Revs an opportune free kick from twenty yards out. Deferring to take a shot rather than curl in a pass, Ralston fired a high laser just above the crossbar.

As the shadows began to overtake the pitch, the teams continued to trade possessions and paint, and it appeared that another goal from either side was imminent.


The fans chortled in the 83rd minute when Wells Thompson took a hard shot on goal that shaved the side of Andy Dorman’s face and clanked off the woodwork. Replays of the sequence showed Dorman ducking away from the hard liner, though the ball appeared to skim the midfielder’s mug.


One final chance for the Revs to attain the game-winner occurred with seconds left in stoppage time, when Riley hijacked a Houston counterattack, and traversed down the left flank before chipping a pass to Thompson. The rookie turned and sent a threatening cross into the box that was lightly headed skyward by Twellman, and upon descent, headed again by Cristman, before the ball came to a halt in the hands of Onstad. As the keeper launched the goal kick, the Stott blew the final whistle, and the teams drew 3-3.


Stat of the Match, part 1: Before scoring at the 51st minute, Taylor Twellman had not scored an MLS goal since May 26.

Stat of the Match, part 2: The Creamsicles went a total of 726 minutes without allowing a goal. They then proceeded to allow three goals in the course of 34 minutes.


Stat of the match part 3: The assist on Pat Noonan’s opening goal was Twellman’s first assist since September 30, 2006.


Stat of the Match, Part 4: Noonan and Twellman assisted on each other’s goals in the 32nd and 51st minutes.


Stat of the Match, Part 5: Brian Ching scored two goals in the span of 1:21.

These four-inch heeled shoes were not made for walking: On Monday, yours truly sat down just in time to catch the final 25 minutes of Victoria Beckham: Coming to America. Hey, watch where you throw that tomato! Anyway, the show's premise, if you haven't guessed it, is the arrival of the Beckhams to the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave - which, if you happen to have say, $250 million to blow, includes attending open houses where the homes are priced above the GNP of a few third-world counties and being chased by the paparazzi. The show also features Posh comically "practicing" her throwing skills, in her trademark high heels and short skirt, with a little league team in preparation for first pitch ceremonies at an LA Dodgers game.

The premise of the show is interesting, but would be so much better if the same production team that handled MTV's reality hit Newlyweds, went to work on this show as well. Sure, it's a Simon Fuller Production, but at no point could I reasonably relate to Victoria, or her high-end, boku-bucks lifestyle. The same, however, could not be said for the highly entertaining Newlyweds series, which featured then-celebrity couple Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. The production team on that program painted a picture of a quirky, yet somewhat reasonably grounded celeb pair, and thus the show was enormously successful.

With the exception of Posh's evident concern for her children's safety upon viewing a house that featured a backyard patio sans surrounding walls hanging over a rather steep ravine, I couldn't relate to her escapades at all. And her incessant need to wear large sunglasses and high heeled shoes wherever she goes - even when she's learning to throw a baseball from the kids - lends the idea that Posh is quite aloof from the rest of us. Again, SMS thinks the show would be much more entertaining if MTV were in charge of the production, for if anyone can make the supermodel-like Posh seem "human", it's them. And for God's sakes Posh, drop the sunglasses and high heels act for one episode.


In a related note, did you catch a glimpse of Thursday night’s entertaining MLS All-Star match? SMS sure did! Between the Matt Reis’ admitted residence under a rock during the past few months, the exciting play on the pitch, and the teeny boppers flocking to the sight of Beckham himself, the entire spectacle was a treat. By far the most entertaining mid-summer classic yet.


By the way, did you see the gaggle of bodyguards and police officers surrounded Becks as he walked along the sidelines between halves? I never thought I’d ever see the day where an MLS player required that much security. I guess this really is the sport of the ‘80s!


Latest jersey bought: Ok, ok, SMS caved in and bought one of those spiffy new LA Galaxy Beckham jerseys at Gillette Stadium. But I definitely wasn’t the only one! There were many spectators in the stands and concourse also wearing the new colors of LA’s most prolific club.

York Revolution update: You may not be aware, but the Revolution is 7-3 at the top of the South Division standings. Of course, I speak on the York Revolution of the Atlantic League of Professional Baseball. But that means nothing - our Revolution's still better than yours!

In an exhaustive effort to find a tie between the two teams besides the nickname, the only one SMS could establish is that York pitcher Frank Castillo played for the Red Sox back in the early-2000s. While pitching in Boston, he may have read about our Revs on the back page of the Boston Globe Sports section.

Rhode Island Stingrays update: The Rays closed out their season on Saturday in Maple Leaf Land by dropping a 4-0 loss to Ottawa. The exhausted side had played their fourth match during the course of a week, and closed out the season with a lackluster 4-11-1 record.

Despite the standings, the season featured some great moments, as well as a spectacular season clocked in by Jeff Gonsalves. The Rays striker tallied ten goals in fourteen matches, and was easily the most electric player on the pitch for the Rays. Toronto FC's loss was Rhode Island's gain, and SMS sends selfish thanks to Toronto for letting him come back to RI for our enjoyment.

Sadly, with the finish line officially crossed for the Rays, this now means there is one less soccer club to watch when the Revs aren't playing. Fortunately, SMS will only have to wait 'til late August for college soccer to fill the gaps in between Revolution matches.


Revs Reserves Update: The Revs reserves beat the Dynamo reserves 1-0 soon after the first team match. The match took place on the Gillette Stadium pitch rather than the practice field behind the stadium, and a handful of fans from the first match stayed to watch the youngins. Long-time guest player Anders Kelto scored the lone goal in the 86th minute, giving the remaining fans something to cheer about as they disbursed into the emptied lots surrounding the stadium.

Soccer-related random thought: With the "Europeanization" of MLS becoming more apparent every season, with five nickname-less clubs (Toronto, Chivas, Dallas, DC, Real Salt Lake), and an obvious branding name (NYRB), would anyone be opposed to re-naming the Revs "New England 1776"?


Of course, that would entail that the club be nicknamed "the Sixers". Egh...on second thought, keep it the Revolution.


(Note to self: when fall comes around and I begin my inaugural indoor soccer coaching duties, name the club New England 1776).


US Women’s National Team feature: One of the last remaining players from the thrill of 1999 is none other than the brick wall who stopped a critical penalty kick vs. China en route to the ’99 World Cup victory. Though ceding the starting duties to Hope Solo, Briana Scurry is still a big-game performer, and despite the limited playing time as of late, the veteran gives manager Greg Ryan a proven and unshakable performer in net for this Fall’s World Cup. Of course, SMS has a soft spot for the tastefully-named keeper, as he and Scurry both hold degrees in political science.


Join us again after the Real Salt Lake match when SMS will once again deliver his trademark nonsensical drabble for your enjoyment/aggravation. A great aspect of this match will be the fact that it’ll start at 9:30pm, which, should the stars align correctly, allow for a timely submission the following morning. What’s that you say? You’ll believe it when you see it? Ha! He’ll show you…

Sunday Morning Striker: Back in the win column

The Revs and Toronto FC kicked off on Saturday night on the artificial surface that they first played on back in April – a match in which the Revs thoroughly spanked the so-called Reds 4-0. Nevertheless, for the third match in a row, the Revs played a much lesser club in the standings, but this time came away with the just reward of three points by taking the 3-0 result.

At 7:35pm ET, the Revs kicked off to begin the match, and early on set the offensive tempo by controlling the Toronto end of the pitch. The Canadians only exacerbated their situation with some questionable passing and a rather unorganized defending policy.

At 7:49pm ET, in the 13th minute, Avery John put himself at the top of the box and mailed a pass directly into the mixer. The ball bounced off of defender Kevin Goldthwaite’s leg and right to a sneaky Andy Dorman, who lassoed the gift deflection and sailed it past the keeper for the opening goal of the match. 1-0, Revs.

While the Revs controlled the ball for a large part of the first half, Toronto eventually clawed its way into the opposite end. On a Toronto free kick just above the left corner of the box at the 26 minute mark, the Revs backline blocked the initial kick, and then proceeded to wall up two more consecutive shots, and the threat dissipated soon thereafter.

As the Revs continued to dominate possession, it was only a matter of the time before the home side acquired goal number two. At 8:10pm ET, Jeff Larentowicz catapulted a pass over two defenders en route to an airborne Pat Noonan, who headed the ball past a diving Djekanovic and into the net for the second goal of the match at the 33rd minute mark. 2-0 Revs.

In the 37th, Toronto crashed again. Jeff Cunningham rocketed a hard shot toward Matt Reis that was deflected away, but created a dangerous rebound that trickled back toward Toronto’s Danny Dichio, who attempted to steer it back on net before Jay Heaps guarded the line and kicked away the menacing ball.

With time winding down in the half, Andy Dorman raced down the heart of the field, and sent in a left-footed shot from the top of the box that skipped feet away from the side post, narrowly missing a potential third goal for the lads from New England in the 45th minute.

As Toronto kicked off for the second act, the Revs immediately continued their dominance of both the ball and the Toronto end of the pitch and reclaimed the rhythm they orchestrated in the first half. The Revs peppered Djekanovic with a Shalrie Joseph free kick in the 49th, then a Dorman surface-to-air missile in the 54th that required an acrobatic save by the Yugoslavian keeper.

Toronto countered with an obligatory rush in the 60th minute, but was effectively snuffed out before it ever reached Reis' zip code, as the ball unsurprisingly journeyed back toward the Toronto end of the pitch.

New England continued their mastery of the adidas MLS teamgeist match ball, and it became increasingly apparent to be that another goal was imminent. Said imminent goal materialized at 9:09pm ET, during the 81st minute, when Dorman, who had barely missed the Revs’ third goal of the match in the 45th, took a beautiful ball from Cristman and delivered the ball wide of Djekanovic and into the back of the net. 3-0 Revs.

The remainder of the match became a passing clinic, as the navy and red played a fine game of keep away from the Canadians for the final few minutes, en route to the home club’s first victory in over a month.

Stat of the Match, Part 1: With their win vs. Toronto, the Revs have now won all three home matches on FieldTurf.

Stat of the Match, Part 2: Andy Dorman has scored three of his five goals this season vs. Toronto.

Stat of the Match, Part 3: Pat Noonan has scored three goals in his last two matches.

Stat of the Match, Part 4: The Revs have allowed 0, 4, 0, 3 & 0 goals respectively in each of their last five matches.

Stat of the Match, Part 5: Toronto FC manager Mo Johnston is 0-2-1 all time vs. New England.

Random observation of the match: Prior to the beginning of the second half, the PA announcer touted Gillette’s new “Phantom” razor, which the company touts as being so smooth, you’ll barely feel the blade.

Ok, two things: a phantom is invisible – by that principle, because the razor itself is quite visible, isn’t that deceptive advertising? Secondly, the Revs are currently unadorned with any sponsorship labels on their kits this year. Hello, anyone home at Gillette? Why doesn’t Gillette sponsor the Revs? It would be a perfect marriage between the local soccer team and the local razor conglomerate.

The AND1 “OH BAY-BEE!” Play of the Match: In another display worthy of a mixtape DVD, Wells Thompson found himself with his back to the proverbial wall as Toronto made a rare excursion into Revolution territory. As Toronto FC midfielder Andy Welsh paced down the left flank, Wellsie kept up with him step-for-step. Then, when Welsh tried to get cute with spin move, Thompson simply poked the ball between the red-shirted poseur. Once again, the sweet move drew the approval of young kids covering their mouths in stunned amazement, and then waving their oversized tees in delight.

As an aside: Should the Revs or MLS ever put out a mixtape/DVD, Wells Thompson should be given a “streetball” name, in the same vein as “The Professor”, “Hot Sauce” and “The Pharmacist”. SMS will get to work on Wellsie’s street name in the coming weeks.

Sour sequence of the match: In the final minutes of the first act, Jeff Larentowicz hit the turf after it appeared that he has gotten poked in the eye by an unidentified Toronto FC defender. The harm required Larentowicz to visit the sideline for medical attention. Less than tow minutes thereafter, Toronto cornered as James Riley was grounded with an injury as well. Riley traded spots with Larentowicz on the sidelines. Luckily, both appeared to be ok, although Larentowicz was substituted for at the commencement of the second half.

Who did the Krafts root for? Patriots 9, Revolution 3. No, your eyes do not betray you. The Revolution and the Patriots actually played to a 9-3 score Friday night in front of a sold-out crowd. And guess what? They played two more times this past weekend…in York, PA, as the York Revolution and Somerset Patriots square off in Atlantic League baseball action.

The soccer gods chortled: After beginning the season 4-6-2, Dave Sarachan was fired as manager of the Chicago Fire this week. Revs fans remember well that it was Sarachan who successfully badgered the league office last fall to have Shalrie Joseph suspended for Game 2 of the Eastern Conference semi-finals last year after the Grenadian "elbowed" Fire midfielder Ivan Guerrero during Game 1. Like Revs fans, the soccer gods also have a crystal clear memory of this incident, and doled out punishment accordingly.

The soccer gods did not chortle: SMS counted at least three instances in which Shalrie Joseph was hard tackled – and all three went unseen by referee Alex Prus.

Why not the Tea Men? As you may know, SMS has been known to allow himself to be distracted by other sports like baseball and hockey when there’s no soccer on the telly. Such was the case on Friday night, when the Padres and Red Sox squared off in San Diego both wearing vintage, 1980-style throwback jerseys.

This scene got SMS thinking…why not have the Revs don throwbacks as well? Picture this: the normally navy and red Revs in the garish, mustard yellow and red kits of their predecessors: the New England Tea Men! Revs marketing department, SMS’s agent is standing by to take your calls regarding more can't-miss marketing campaigns.

Rhode Island Stingrays Update: SMS previously stated that the Rays had a formidable challenge when the Cape Cod Crusaders came to town for Saturday night’s PDL match up. The Crusaders are among the elite PDL teams in the Northeast, and to drive home the point, they went 14-0-2 last season. So true to form, the Rays battled, but could not muster the firepower to counter a five-goal output by the 2006 champs, as they fell 5-2. Jeffrey Gonsalves continued his goal-scoring streak by netting both of the home club’s pair of goals, while Rays keeper Joshua Ford had his hands full, to say the least, as he had to come up with ten saves just to keep the score somewhat respectable.

US Women’s National Team Update: Instead of the usual individual player feature, SMS decided to devote this section to the entire team, after their 2-0 win against Brazil Saturday afternoon. Kristine Lilly scored in the 1st minute directly from a free kick at the corner of the box, and Abby Wambach scored in the 17th, as the US women continued their incredible streak of dominance (35-0-7) since manager Greg Ryan took over in 2005.

By the way, how cool are those new WNT gold jerseys? SMS loved them, and in fact, may have to pick one up prior to their World Cup in September. What’s that you say? It’s a chick jersey? As a comfortably secure 26-year-old male, SMS has no problem donning the jersey of one of the best teams in the world.

Next stop on the tour is Hartford, CT on July 14, and yours truly will be there to support the best women’s team in the world against Norway.

“I’m going, going/back back/to Cali, Cali…” Ok, so SMS is not going to California anytime soon, but the Revs are next week as they face Chivas USA for the first time this season. The match will thankfully be on TV38, which improves the chances that SMS will be able to watch the game live after catching the local Stingrays at Pierce Field at 7:30pm. It doesn’t get any better than this!

Finally, although the victory warrants more than what SMS can give right now, a big congratulations to the US Men’s National Team on their amazing 2-1 victory over Mexico in capturing the 2007 CONCACAF Gold Cup! How exquisite was Benny Feilhaber’s heat-seeker in the 73rd minute? Unquestionably - the greatest goal in recent US MNT history. Great job guys!

Sunday Morning Striker: Those Darn Highlighters!

You may be wondering: Sunday Morning Striker appearing on a Sunday evening? Well, in these parts, we celebrate a little holiday called Father’s Day, and SMS was very busy between locating a suitable present for the Official Father of SMS this very morning and early afternoon.

Anyway there was not one, not two, or even three, but four matches this weekend to which SMS found his figurative hands full with. Alas, SMS maintains that the only thing better than soccer is more soccer, and thus this weekend will go down as one of the best in the annals of SMS history.

While SMS thoroughly enjoyed watching the US MNT in their quest for the Gold Cup championship, SMS’s primary blood chamber belongs solely to the hometown Revolution. US MNT is like the hot chick that stops into town every so often, parties all hours and makes out with you and your friends after playing seven rounds of beer pong. And while she is no doubt the dame that your friends and colleagues whistle at while she walks down the street, the Revolution is the apple of your eye, your main squeeze, and remains loyal to you, despite her friends objections when you’re out with US MNT during the ungodly hours of the night.

In an attempt to pick apart the weak and pocket three points, the Revs kicked off their second consecutive match versus an MLS bottom feeder. Last match, it was Real Salt Lake, Western Conference cellar dwellers, which ended in a rather disappointing 0-0 draw that featured more scoring chances snuffed out than a Jason Biggs movie marathon. This weekend, it was Columbus, with their whopping one win and eight points sitting at the basement of the Eastern Conference table.

The Revs kicked off the first half controlling the ball early, while SMS took in the first half in a rarely-opened east end zone seating section. As the Revs attacked the opposite end, SMS sat among the people, complete with broken peanut shells, popped thunder sticks, and half-empty popcorn buckets scattered among the ground. But enough with atmosphere – there was an exciting match taking place!

Super rookie Wells Thompson took the right flank spot of US MNT dabbler Steve Ralston, and flashed impressive Ralston-like vision early on when he continually infiltrated the C-bus box, testing Crew keeper Will Hesmer with some tricky moves.

Unfortunately, for all the flair exhibited in the Columbus end of the pitch, the Highlighters (see below for the reference) smashed through the Revs back line when Robbie Rogers slalomed through a flat-footed defense and broke in on Matt Reis mano-a-mano before depositing the ball in the back of the net in the 9th minute, giving the cellar dwellers the early lead. Eastern Conference basement 1, Revs 0.

The Revs struck back minutes later when Adam Cristman sped down the right flank before cutting the angle toward goal and blasted a shot past Hesmer to equalize in the 13th minute. Revs 1, EC basement 1.

Both clubs backlines upheld a certain zombie-like appearance, with numerous balls escaping both defensive units with alarming regularity. The absence of center back Michael Parkhurst (serving US MNT duty) was apparent, as the home side took on the appearance of a Lindsay Lohan Saturday night – unbalanced, incoherent, and at times, all over the place.

The Revs offense bailed out their defensive cohorts in the 17th minute, when Pat Noonan traipsed into the C-bus box and teed off on a left-footed shot that escaped the clutches of Hesmer for the one goal lead before the 20-minute mark. Revs 2, Eastern Conference Basement 1.

For the next handful of minutes, both teams traded offensive chances like stocks of Google, and to counter the offensive energy, the fans in section 132 attempted to implore their squad to score by attempting to start “the Wave.” The home side took notice, as Adam Cristman struck again in the 32nd minute off of a beautiful ball delivered to him by Pat Noonan, giving the home side the dangerous two-goal lead as the sun began to set behind the Gillette Stadium upper deck. Revs 3, Eastern Conference Basement 1.

Looking to secure the two-goal lead prior to the curtains drawing on the first act, the Revs tried to hunker down on the defense. The highlighters failed to get the memo by the time stoppage time commenced, when Guillermo Barros Schelloto took a pass at the top of the Revolution box and sent the ball past Reis for the goal number two for the bottom feeders, closing the gap for the Crew to a one-goal deficit. Revs 3, EC basement 2.

The Crew kicked off the second half looking to carry the momentum created by the last-minute goal in the first frame. However, the Revolution deflated the Crew attack in the 52nd minute when Noonan back-heeled a gorgeous ball to his partner in crime Cristman before the former Cavalier rocketed a shot that was deflected away by diving Hesmer, keeping the Revs attack at bay.

Midway through the second half, Reis became tested by a series of shots that found their way through the sleepwalking navy blue backline. The bald brick wall was temporarily able to keep the equalizer off the score sheet as play began to get chippy between the Eastern conference rivals.

Despite Reis’ admirable patrol of net, the fact of the matter is that he is only one man. That became glaringly apparent when the visitors dissected the Revolution back line in the 85th minute as the ball hazardously exchanged C-bus feet before Alejandro Moreno authored the equalizer onto post-match scoring sheet. Revs 3, Eastern Conference Basement 3.

The fourth official added three minutes of stoppage to the match, but it was not nearly enough time for either side to manage the go-ahead goal, as the match ended in a three goal tie, and more importantly, robbing the home squad of two crucial points for the second match in a row.

Stat of the Match Part 1: After jump starting to a 5-1-2 start, the Revs have now gone 0-1-2 in their last three matches. Coincidentally, the Revs have not claimed victory on the temporary grass surface installed for international matches back in late-May.

Stat of the Match Part 2: Saturday’s match marked the first time that SMS saw Shalrie Joseph hard tackle an opponent without drawing a card. Ivan Gazdis must have been watching reruns of The OC while it took place.

Stat of the Match Part 3: Cristman became the second Revs player to have a multi-goal match this season, with Taylor Twellman already having recorded two multi-goal games this year.

Stat of the Match Part 4: For the second time this year, the Revs and Crew tied on a late C-bus goal with less than five minutes remaining.

Stat of the Match Part 5: For the first time this year, Steve Nicol kept his entire substitution corps on the bench, as every member of the Revs’ starting XI remained intact to form the finishing XI.

Random thought of the Match: You cannot help but utter Shalrie Joseph’s first name without a bit of a British twinge.

Nickname for the Crew: SMS has decided that the C-bus boys will now be referred to as “the Highlighters”, due to their bright yellow kits.

The AND1 “OH BAY-BEE!” Play of the Match: Anyone familiar with the AND1 Mixtape Tour knows that when Hot Sauce or The Professor do it real good on the hardwood, the announcer exclaims “OH BAY-BEE!” That being said (or rather shouted with much glee), the former Sweet Play of the Match has turned into the “OH BAY-BEE!” Play of the Match. With our first installment of the newly-christened honor, Andy Dorman took the ball in the 38th minute and absolutely faked out two Crew defenders to the pitch before (you guessed it) he passed into the box. Although the sequence didn’t lead to a score, SMS was sure that he saw some youngins’ wave their XXXL tees in the air at the display.

Neon boots crossover item: Although not match-related, the US MNT front line of Taylor Twellman and Clint Dempsey both sported neon boots; Twellman’s were of the neon yellow variety, while Deuce’s were construction sign orange.

No passion for soccer in the US? SMS traveled down to the concourse during the break between the Canada-Guatemala match, and was absolutely amazed at the level of excitement the match brought. SMS counted two large groups of Guatemalan fans jumping up and down in a circle, banging drums and chanting “OLE OLE OLE OLE” amid a bevy of fans walking through the concourse. At first glance, one would think that such a flamboyant celebration would cause a troubling raucous. It was the exact opposite: people walked by smiling, amused at the rowdy, yet good-natured display of enthusiasm exhibited by the Guatemalans. No passion for soccer in the US? Yeah, right.

For an excellent observation contrasting the Central American crowd vs. the Revolution crowd, check out Jim Dow’s recent article, “Some Observations Made In The Midst of A Summer Solstice Feast of Football” for an excellent view on the striking differences between two very different types of fans.

Obligatory competitive eating item: With summer basically here, the annual Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest less than a month away, SMS was surprised to learn that Takeru "the Tsunami" Kobayashi’s world record of 53 and 3/4 hot dogs was recently shattered three weekends ago by Joey Chestnut, who consumed 59 and 1/2 hot dogs during the Southwest Regional Qualifier for this year's national championship.

Kobayashi, currently ranked number one in International Federation of Competitive Eating, has claim victory at said contest every year since his debut in 2001. Could this be the year that Chestnut dethrones the Japanese champion? SMS will track the proceedings. So why does SMS write about competitive eating on a soccer site? Because he can.



Revs Reserves Update: SMS took in the Revs-Crew reserve match Sunday morning, and he continues to be impressed by this year’s young understudies, as the youngins claimed a 2-1 victory over their C-bus counterparts. Miguel Hernandez and Amaechi Igwe both scored, while Kyle Helton, Arsene Oka and Bryan Byrne all performed particularly well. Revs fans, be aware that if this year’s performance of the reserve team (4-2-0, 12pts.) is any indication of what’s in store for the next two to three seasons, the future looks bright.

Rhode Island Stingrays Update: The Rays fell to Albany on Friday night 2-1, as former Toronto FC SuperDraftee Jeff Gonsalves scored the lone goal for RI, while keeper Josh Ford stopped four shots. Mario Pereira’s boys face a formidable task on Saturday night, when they face perennial PDL powerhouse, the Cape Cod Crusaders, at Pierce Field.

US Women’s National Team Feature: She may look sweet and innocent in her ussoccer.com press photo, but when she’s on the pitch, you’re gonna need some serious skills and lots of luck if you hope to pocket three points – the squad hasn’t lost with her on the field since 2003. In addition to being a club stalwart, the former Tar Heel graduated with a 3.65 GPA- which means she’s probably a lot smarter than you. Unfortunately, O’Reilly is a Yankee fan, but can be somewhat forgiven since her favorite movie is “The Shawshank Redemption” – a personal favorite of SMS – which was based on a book authored by noted Red Sox fan Stephen King.

Finally, on this Father’s Day, SMS would like to wish a Happy Father’s Day to his dear old dad. Interestingly, SMS was born on Father’s Day back in 1981, and would like to thank his dad for putting up with years of incessant sports talk, picky eating habits, and never-ending debates on politics and current events. Of course, it should be noted that SMS acquired the writing gene from Dad; so in all non-sarcastic seriousness, thank you for everything Dad!