As part of my subscription to Soccer America, my inbox is flooded daily with about 1,341 SA e-mails pertaining to the insanely busy global football scene. Heck, the errant free kick I took in the backyard that pummeled the family cat* two weeks ago may have received mention. I often take about 20 seconds to skim the headlines before deleting, but this one caught my attention:
(*She's ok. She's like 85% fur anyway.)
Report: Arsenal Targets Gazidis Daily Mail MLS deputy Commissioner Ivan Gazidis is the latest target in Arsenal's long search for a new chief executive, writes Charles Sale, quoting no sources whatsoever. (emphasis added)
In journalism, a report without sources doesn't make it to the press. Your editor will dress you down to your skivvies. Coworkers will mock you. That cute copy temp? She'll never look at you the same.
Apparently, this is not the standard at some publications.
In the spirit of satire, I have offered up series of similar posts.
From the House of Soccer blog: Los Angeles Galaxy midfielder David Beckham is the latest target in the New England Revolution's long search for a new right sided midfielder/after hours PR campaign, writes Brian O'Connell, quoting no sources whatsoever.
Cristiano Ronaldo is said to be mulling a transfer to MLS, perhaps keying in on New England's dense Portuguese community, writes Brian O'Connell, quoting no sources whatsoever.
Report: Garnett to retire from NBA, joins Revolution as discovery player. Boston Celtics forward Kevin Garnett has submitted his retirement papers to the NBA offices in Manhattan in order to pursue a career in his newfound passion: soccer. The 6-11 Garnett is eyeing a developmental roster spot with the nearby New England Revolution, writes Brian O'Connell, quoting no sources whatsoever.
Wow. That was easy.
The lesson: Who needs sources when you can simply conjure up a news story?