Cristman to KC for...for..?

In a curious move to free up its second-leading scorer, the Revolution traded forward Adam Cristman to Kansas City for allocation money and KC's natural third-round selection. In other words, the Wizards bought Cristman before Seattle could swipe him for free in today's expansion draft. Makes sense...for the Wizards.

The Revolution? Not so much. Okay, so Cristman wasn't the most graceful forward the team has seen. In fact, there were times he looked downright clumsy. His legs went one speed (slow) while his upper body went another (slower). Somehow, he managed a score a bushel of goals (six!)during the middle of the season. Two of them were against LA, so that's not saying a whole lot.

But given how painfully depleted New England was up top, I fail to see the reasoning behind the trade. Without Cristman, it's Taylor Twellman, Kenny Mansally, Kheli Dube, and Argenis Fernandez. Mansally and Dube will be back. Twellman may head overseas. Fernandez is on the unprotected list.

The fact that the club is trading away one of its only scoring threats is just the latest in a series of bewildering roster moves. During the past twelve months alone, the Revolution have either traded away or failed to re-sign three of their second-leading scorers (Andy Dorman, Pat Noonan, and Cristman).

And for what? Allocation money? The day the Revolution actually apply those monies toward a Designated Player Allocation will be the same day Matt Reis dons a toupe'. Some have speculated that the money will go toward its youth academy. Youth Academy...Youth Academy...*

(*Bueller...Bueller...)

The Revolution have been one of the better clubs in MLS since the turn of the century. They did so by bringing in good players and drafting well. But they aren't Midas. And lately, they've been anything but. They've drafted badly. Leandro deOliveira, Wells Thompson, and Rob Valentino have played a combined 45 games. All were played by Thompson, whose picture can be found on Wikipedia's entry for "sophomore slump." The only recent trade in which the Revolution prospered was the Chris Albright deal with L.A.

Maybe Steve Nicol knows something I don't. The probability of that is very high. But, unless the organization has regained its magic touch, the Cristman trade appears to be only the latest in a series of head-scratching moves.

***

With class from 4-7pm, and a feature on the job market for this year's college graduates due by midnight, I'm not sure if I'll have another post in before tomorrow. So, to all thirteen of my brilliant readers...Happy Thanksgiving!

Of red cards and retribution

Last night's Kansas City-New England match was a unique affair that not only pitted two conference rivals, but a pair of clubs that had met only two weeks ago. And anyone with a modicum of memory can easily recall what transpired two weeks ago in Barbeque City had to know that there was blood in the water prior to the match.

For those without elephant-like memories, here's a brief synopsis:

During the 12th minute, Hercules Gomez went in on a late hard tackle Steve Ralston near midfield. The Revolution skipper suffered a broken right fibula, and is likely finished through the remainder of the 2008 season. Curiously, referee Alex Prus did not warn or card Gomez for his actions.

So going into last night's game, there was considerable buzz that the Revolution themselves were ready and willing to administer justice themselves to the Wizards' striker.

Behold Khano Smith in the 42nd minute. With his team already down a man due to the questionable red card issued to Gabriel Badilla in the 26th minute, the Bermudan international chased down Gomez deep into the Revolution right corner and violently undercut him with a hard slide tackle. The momentum of Smith's slide forced both players into the sideline signage, and, to no one's surprise, Smith was shown the red.

Astonishingly, Gomez was not injured on the play, but there was little doubt surrounding his assailant's motives.

After the match, Shalrie Joseph was quite candid in his remarks about the incident. He said that it was most definitely payback for the reckless tackle on Ralston. Despite the fact that the Revolution were already playing a man down, a message needed to be sent that you simply don’t get away with injuring the skipper without consequence.

Was it smart? Absolutely not. Smith’s red card forced his club to play two men down, and also eliminated him from appearing in Thursday’s playoff match against Chicago. Due to the nature of the tackle and the circumstances surrounding it, it’s likely that Smith will be suspended beyond Thursday.

Was it justified? Yes. Smith’s slide tackle no doubt furthered his clubhouse cred among his teammates and coaches. Steve Nicol knew it was reckless. He may not have agreed that the timing of it was particularly keen, but I’m sure the Scot was not too angry with it.

But that’s football. You have to watch out for your own.

*******

For all the certainty of Smith’s red card, there was considerable time devoted to discussing Kevin Stott’s red card to Gabriel Badilla in the 26th minute.

After an unmarked Claudio Lopez caught up to a long ball and easily entered the area, a lagging Badilla raced to tackle Lopez. Upon reaching him, Badilla’s right arm made contact with Lopez, and the K.C. striker pirouetted to the pitch in attempt to elicit a penalty .He succeeded beyond his wildest dreams.

Not only was the penalty awarded, but Badilla was sent off for what should have been a yellow. Yet, Stott felt that the situation warranted the red, and the Costa Rican was shown the door.

According to the official’s match report, Badilla “denied a goal opportunity by foul.”

In the interest of fairness, I tried to get Stott’s take on what he saw, and made request to speak with him. However, the request was not returned, and thus, we may never know what exactly compelled Stott to administer the red to Badilla.

Wizardry

POOF!

With an obligatory wave of their wand, with a nearly full moon hanging above, the Kansas City Wizards not only pick-pocketed three points from a superior New England Revolution, but also vanquished the MLS Cup fantasies of the playoff-bound club.

Yes, the plucky, 36-point Wiz, through one Hercules Gomez, in one brazen tackle, of one Steve Ralston, who suffered a broken tibia that will likely keep him out of action for the remainder of the regular season and postseason, effectively ended the Revolution dream of another MLS Cup berth this season.

To see hard evidence of this conclusion, look no further than the remaining 78 minutes of the match, whereby the normally potent New England attack looked so sterile that it could have verily become a collective candidate for Cialis, sans the bathtubs overlooking the ocean. And the normally inept Wizards, to their credit, seized the moment and tapped their goalscoring machine, centerback Jimmy Conrad, to provide the clincher moments after the hour.


The aforementioned is but a splice of what the Revolution can expect in the remaining two regular season matches, and the first round of the postseason. With Ralston gone, the local lads have not only lost their skipper, but any shot of returning to the MLS Cup finals for the fourth year in a row.

Without Ralston stationed in the middle, or anywhere on the pitch for that matter, the ball will have a difficult time finding Taylor Twellman, who scored all three of last season's postseason goals. For those who'd like a preview of what the coming matches will look like, just cut and paste a sequence of Twellman's exaggerated frustrations in or near the KC area from Saturday night, and play them on a ninety minute loop. Stagnant would be considered a compliment in describing how the attack will look in the coming weeks without Ralston.

Just look at the Revolution's form earlier this season without their skipper. It went 2-3-1 after Ralston suffered a separated shoulder during the 3-0 victory over Houston on First Kick. Moreover, the Ralston-less squad scored an anemic five goals during those six games. And while Twellman was sidelined with a knee injury during that period as well, it's hard to imagine how many many balls would have gotten to him if he were healthy. For an example of this, see Crew, Columbus, 6 Sept. 2008 - the last time Ralston missed a match with Twellman in the lineup. Final score 0-4, Columbus.

While many bobbleheads around the league will point to Guillermo Barros Schelotto as the favorite to take MVP honors this season, a case for Ralston has been building. Without him, the third-place Revolution have an astounding .250 winning percentage (2-4-2). As of today's date, the lowest winning percentage in MLS is Toronto's .350 percentage (7-11-9). Given those figures, one can easily deduce that the Revolution will find it difficult to convince the rest of the league that it is a bona fide MLS Cup contender without Ralston available.

To say that manager Steve Nicol his work cut out for him would be to say that Amy Winehouse has an affinity for controlled substances. It goes well beyond that. The roster freeze took place nearly a month ago. The Revolution must look in-house to address the short-term future without the man responsible, directly or indirectly, for nearly 40% of his club's total offensive output this season.

The piercing irony of the situation is that if the Revolution play .250 football into the postseason and thereby fall short of the MLS Cup final, it will surely solidify the argument that Ralston is indeed the most valuable player not only on the Revolution, but in MLS as well.

Sunday Morning Striker: Commentary on an undermanned club...oh, and the Revs beat the Wiz, 1-0!

A few hours before Sunday night’s Revs-Wizards match, SMS quietly meandered through the World Wide Web in search of – what else- knowledge. What kind of knowledge, you ask? Any kind, as long as it’s free.

Unfortunately, though the bit of knowledge SMS had just stumbled across was free, it was troubling to say the least. Frank Dell’Apa of the Boston Globe reported that the Revs would be without the services of Steve Ralston for the second game in a row, following his recuperation from flu-like symptoms. To make matters worse, Pat Noonan would also be out of action as well with a groin strain, thus leaving the Revs deprived of not only two critical players, but also a deviation from their favored formation – the 3-5-2 - as opposed to the more conservative 4-4-2.

Now particular injuries cannot be predicted – however, they are as much a part of sports as post-game groupies, so they (injuries, not groupies) must be planned for. Injuries are never well timed – whether it be at the beginning, middle, or tail end of a season - yet they almost always seem to strike at the worst possible moments. That’s why it’s essential for a club to carry capable reinforcements.

Rookies Wells Thompson and Adam Cristman took the spots left behind by Ralston and Noonan, respectively. However, beyond these two players, what’s left on the Revolution bench should injury or tactical shift become necessary?

There’s a horde of unproven rookies, with the exception of veteran Marshall Leonard, who has been curiously banished to the role of unused substitution thus far.

But there’s a more glaring problem when the Revs head into any particular match shorthanded. A cursory count of the current roster will lead you to conclude that the Revs are two players short a full roster.

The troubling aspect of this development is that it’s not a recent development. Since the Revs placed Joey Franchino on the season-ending injury list and waived Danny Hernandez back in May, the club has marched on without a full roster. Sure, it’s cute when your starters are healthy and the club sits in first place. But when two critical pieces of the starting eleven fall to injury and/or sickness, the issue of pressing on without a full compliment of players is completely unacceptable.

What kind of outrage would there be in Boston if Theo Epstein kept the Red Sox two players below the 25-man limit? Or if Bill Belichick carried 51 players instead of the 53-man max? Fans would be furious! The sports talk-show circuit would feast on such developments. Yet, the Revs have quietly gone about their business with two empty slots, hoping that the soccer gods would seemingly smile on them with an injury-free season.

How foolish.

Due to the ambiguity in terms of the gentleman who carries the responsibility of filling the roster – much is speculated whether it’s Nicol himself or a cast of front office characters that decide the list - I can only conclude that whoever has the final say should be taken to task.

To carry on while a club’s roster is artificially shrunken for the better part of three months is preposterous, and becomes even more absurd when two starters are unavailable. Troubling as it is, what would happen if another starter went down with a more serious injury – an ailment that required the remainder of the season to heal, for example? What is the contingency plan if Taylor Twellman has to miss a lengthy series of matches due to injury? Who’s going to fill in if Michael Parkhurst is forced to the sidelines for a prolonged amount of time?

Nicol has repeatedly hinted at negotiations with a player of interest since May. Well, it’s now mid-August, and the negotiations are either dead or nonexistent. If a deal was going to be made, it would have been John Hancocked weeks ago. Instead, many are left wondering whether another player will actually be signed before the September 15th MLS roster freeze.

Besides the obvious, a shorthanded team is forced to play conservative football to compensate for the losses. This variety of football is ugly, unaggressive fare, which a first place club like the Revs should have no business in dabbling in whatsoever.

The Revs need to sign two capable players now. At very least, the first priority should be to bring in a veteran playmaker – i.e. a Jose Cancela-type player, both seasoned and creative that, should the Revs be put in the predicament their in right now, the drop-off in play won’t be as dramatic. They have money - the Clint Dempsey transfer fee ensures this. Even aside from that, the club is reportedly well under the $2.1 million MLS salary cap.

There should be no excuse why the roster isn’t completely filled. It shouldn’t take two key injuries to raise the issue, but unfortunately, the awareness of the two-open spots has just become a glaring black hole that could doom the first place club. The organization should have anticipated losses during this critical six-game, seventeen-day stretch. Shame on the powers that be for allowing this situation to carry on as long as it has.

Now, with the soapbox kicked back under the bed, it was time to watch the Revs take on the Wizards. Fortunately for the fans of Kansas City, their club actually carries a full roster. Unfortunately, the pitch at Arrowhead Stadium was gridironed due to Friday’s Dolphins-Chiefs game.

The Revs wasted no time on attack as Taylor Twellman crashed the box and skipped the ball wide of net in the first minute after Wiz keeper Kevin Hartman deflected the ball away. Immediately, the Revs put the Wiz on notice that this was not the same club that curled up in a ball and assumed the fetal position vs. Colorado three days before.

Minutes later, the Revs amped up the attack again when Shalrie Joseph took an Avery John pass and raced into the middle of the home end before shooting a cannonball right on Hartman.

In the ninth minute, the skies began to open up and the rains poured down on the slick pitch, which played into the hands of the road club, who often play a quick-paced attack anyway on the fast surface at Gillette Stadium.

During the 16th minute, Andy Dorman sent a free kick right into the mixer right toward a hard charging Adam Cristman. The rookie striker sent a hard header, but the ball went wide of net.

By the 20-minute mark, the Revs had done well to create the offensive chances absent in the Colorado game, and did well to hold back a potent KC attack. In fact, the only chances early for the Wizards were effectively non-chances, as the club was offside on both occasions.

Proving that the Wizards actually had an offense to speak of, Eddie Johnson streaked down the left flank and attempted to cross the ball into the box, but Michael Parkhurst adeptly rejected the pass out of harm’s way in the 29th minute, and thus the mini-attack fizzled.

Off a corner kick n the 32nd minute, Dorman delivered a nice ball into the box that Jeff Larentowicz curiously out jumped, forcing him to chest the ball wide of the far post.

The Revs continued to play well and controlled the match for the most part by creating chances and playing stout defense on the few occasions that Kansas City managed to hold the ball for more than a few seconds.

Shalrie Joseph sent a well-timed pass forward to an onrushing Larentowicz in the 41st minute until Hartman narrowly beat the Kaiser to the ball as the chance dissipated.

The injury bug struck in the 43rd minute as Jay Heaps fell to the pitch with an apparent leg ailment. Attempting to simply finish off the half, the dependable defender tried to press forward. Mercifully, less than ten seconds of stoppage time transpired, and Heaps was just able to finish the half.

James Riley came in for Heaps in the second frame, and in the 46th minute, and immediately made his mark when he took down Johnson near midfield on a disputed foul call that went against the Revs. Much to the chagrin of Revs color guy Greg Lalas, the affable broadcast partner of Brad Feldman simply stated “That’s a good tackle. If you don’t like that, go back to U-10s.”

The Wizards attacked early twice before the 50th minute, but each one was followed up with the sobering offside call by the linesman.

The Revs reorganized a quick attack in the 53rd minute that saw John send a bending ball from midfield into the box that Larentowicz made a dive at before being pushed to the ground by KC defender. No call was made against the perpetrator, as the Revs headed back on defense.

After a brief spurt of offense from the home side, the Revs reacquired the ball and in the 55th minute Dorman sent in a nice corner kick that was headed tantalizingly over the bar by a leaping Larentowicz stationed close to the near post.

Kansas City then re-appeared in a brief attacking cameo until Jose Burciaga flopped in front of the referee, eliciting a dangerous free kick from the right wing that was heroically punched away by Matt Reis in the 58th minute.

By the hour mark, the play on the slick surface began to sway physically, as Davy Arnaud elbowed Shalrie Joseph near midfield. The tough Grenadian got back to his feet soon afterward, and not surprisingly, no card was awarded.

The pain ensured in 64th minute, Kerry Zavagnin was fouled at the doorstep of the box and KC was awarded a dangerous free kick from 18 yards out. Carlos Marinelli launched a rocket right on Twellman, who writhed in pain after the ball hit him in a less-than-desirable location.

The KC attack began to pick up additional steam in the 68th minute when Marinell sent in a dangerous cross to Eloy Colombano, who headed the ball just outside the far post amid a group of disorganized Revolution backs.

The offensive tide appeared to turn in favor of the home club by the 72nd minute until Joseph delivered a beautiful ball to Khano Smith who paced down the left with a clear shot on goal. With Twellman streaking toward the box, Smith sent a perfect ground ball to the onrushing striker, who slid home the ball into the net for the goal at 9:32pm ET.

The pressure to preserve the lead and ultimately three points on the road would fall on the backs (no pun intended) of the Revolution defenders. However, Smith had no such allusions of playing straight defense in the 79th minute when he fired a rocket yards in front of Hartman that hissed wide of the woodwork.

The Revs put on a defensive clinic in the waning minutes of regulation and although extra time was prolonged due to a scary on-air collision near the top of the box between Jimmy Conrad and Joseph, the Wizards failed to muster a single shot, as the Revs pocked a crucial three points, 1-0.

Stat of the Match, Part 1: Including the US Open Cup tilt on August 8, the Revs posted a 4-2-0 during their grueling six-games-in-seventeen-days stretch.

Stat of the Match, Part 2: The Revs recorded three corner kicks in the first ten minutes of play. In their previous match vs. Colorado, they recorded all of one corner kick during the entire match.

Stat of the Match, Part 3: The Wizards didn’t record their first corner kick until the 74th minute.

Stat of the Match, Part 4: Since their last encounter on August 2, the Revs have played five games, while the Wizards had played zero.

Stat of the Match, Part 5: Despite the lack of offensive prowess, the Wizards were caught offside twice as many times (8) than the Revolution (4).

Hidden sign of the match: The last time Matt Reis wore the all-green keeper ensemble the Revs tied the Houston Dynamo 3-3 at Foxboro on July 22. SMS has no idea what this correlation means, save for the fact that Reis likes to wear green on occasion.

It must have been produced by the same guys who did the Emerald Nuts commercials: Prior to the match, Cox3, the local carrier of TV38 Revolution broadcasts, showed a nutty Revolution-Wizards broadcast spot that went along the lines of “Viva la Revolution” featuring a Spanish-accented narrator with Italian-sounding background music. Additionally, there is a graphic of soccer-player’s profile, with a seemingly vintage, communist-themed background. Huh??? What are you trying to brainwash me to do???

The Delorean is parked outside: Did you see where 66,237 showed up – and not disguised as empty seats, either – for the Red Bull-Galaxy match at Giants Stadium Saturday night?

Wow.

Of course, this shouldn’t be surprising considering these types of crowds are exactly what MLS anticipated when they drafted the designated player allocation rule last year. It’s one thing to anticipate or imagine – but to see it before your very eyes? It’s a special time we, as American soccer fans, live in, one which hasn’t been seen in nearly thirty years.

Furthermore, the match – an entertaining 5-4 home victory for the Energy Drinks – was surely exciting for the newcomers, with the defense somewhere else other than the artificial pitch. On top of that, Beckham not only played the a full ninety, but also was on top of his game, chalking up two assists under the same bright lights that Pele, Giorgio Chinaglia and Franz Beckenbauer all played under in the late-70s.

According to multiple reports, the massive crowd on hand was abuzz with excitement, and espnsoccernet’s Steve Davis went so far as to say that the match was “an instant classic.” SMS wishes he could have attended the affair to witness the spectacle first-hand and experience not only the a slice of the overwhelming fervor, but to also see what it was like back in the heyday of the NASL.

Of course, the large crowd at the Meadowlands also begs the question as to whether Beckham would have served the league better by playing in New York (ok, it’s New Jersey) rather than Los Angeles. Would 66,000+ fans show up for every Red Bull match? We’ll never know. Of course, with Red Bull’s spiffy soccer spec stadium due to be completed next season, the League won't see such turnouts in NY unless the club rents out Giants Stadium for each future Beckham appearance.

If MLS is wise, next season's Red Bull-Galaxy match will be scheduled prior to the opening of Red Bull Park (25,000 seating) while the club still plays in the 82,000 seat Giants Stadium. Should this be the case, SMS will be sure to circle the date of the match and purchase tickets in order to witness the soccer extravaganza.

US Women’s National Team Feature: Angie Woznuk, or "Wozzy" as she likes to be called, is a 22-year old midfielder from sunny San Diego who played or the appropriately named "Surf" soccer team for five years. She recorded her first cap back in 2005 on July 24 vs. Iceland, and although she hasn't recorded a cap since then, she hopes to see a few more minutes during 2007.In 2006 she recorded 13 assists and scored two goals for the Pilots, while playing alongside WNT defender Stephanie Lopez. Her favorite women's soccer player is Julie Foudy, and she aspires to be an X-ray technician, and looks forward to becoming a mom one day - to which SMS awards bonus “wholesome points” for the heartwarming proclamation.

Fewf! The recently-compact Revolution match schedule has finally concluded, not only giving the players a welcome break, but SMS as well. Personally, I haven’t written this much since in such a compact amount of time since my Current Political Thought class back in the ol' college days – and I don’t even get college credits for all this!

In any event, SMS will definitely be doing some R & R as he gears up for both the Red Bull-Revs match and the National Soccer Hall of Fame inductions the following day. Due to this, the post-match submission may be a little light, with the focus squarely on the match and devoid of incessant ranting. Then again, your unwasted brain cells will probably thank me for it!

Sunday Morning Striker: Revs cast curse on Wizards, 2-0

From the time MLS was officially birthed in 1996, the question has remained: how can the league do well to attract fans to watch pro soccer here in the States? Sure, the easy answers are family-friendly prices, free parking, and wonderful opportunities to interact with players. But on an exclusive basis, SMS has found the true answer to bringing in fans.

First - a little bit of background. It was last May when SMS took Sergio, Official 12-year old Cousin of SMS, to his first MLS match vs. Houston. We sat behind the net near the Fort, and while he was surely entertained, he was impressed with one thing: the cup olders.

Yes, Gillette Stadium has many wonderful amenities, but among the finest, at least to twelve year olds across New England, were the cup holders. Thinking nothing of this innocent statement, I laughed it off, and said "Yeah, the cup holders are great, but what about the game? Did you like it?"

He laughed, and nodded in agreement, and to my delight, asked when we would be able to see them play again.So with that thought in the back of my mind and two tickets to last night's KC-Revs match in my wallet, I posed the question of whether he would like to catch another Revs game at Gillette.

His response? "Sure! Do they still have those cup holders? Those things are so cool!"
So the key to attracting young fans is simple: add cup holders to every seat of every MLS venue!

MLS, my agent is standing by should you need to contact me regarding additional ideas for bringing in more fans.

Anyway, there was quite a match on tap, and with two of the Eastern Conference's most high-powered clubs squaring off, SMS predicted (albeit, inaccurately) another shootout much like the May 26th affair, which ended 4-3 KC. What a match to take the kiddies to!

The Wizards kicked off at 7:08pm ET, and although they possessed first, it was the Revs who soon took the title of owner/CEO of the adidas Teamgeist ball for much of the proceedings Thursday Night.

The Revs were immediately pounced and began to breath down the K.C. defense in the 2nd minute off a fortuitous free kick awarded a yard before the box. With a reprisal of last match’s free kick duo, Jeff Larentowicz and Steve Ralston both positioned themselves for the kick before Ralston stepped up and thumped a ball toward net. Though the ball missed its target, it deflected off a KC defender and fell fortuitously to birthday boy Pat Noonan, who just missed the close range shot on goal.

As if rolling out the red carpet for the home side’s attack, Taylor Twellman breezed through the back line during the 10th minute. The striker approached Kevin Hartman’s zip code before taking a quick shot mere yards away that fell silent against the side of the net.

K.C. finally managed to attack during minute 16, when Wizards striker Eddie Johnson cocked and fired a hard shot that skipped wide of the far post, finally putting the Revs on notice of their potent (32 total goals this season) attack.

Minutes later, during the 25th minute, the Wizards, in a display of birthday cheer, allowed Noonan to go full-steam ahead through the box before the birthday shuffled, stopped, but ultimately failed to muster the sufficient thrust to push the ball past Hartman.

Carlos Marinelli threatened to spoil the birthday celebrations when he rocketed a shot off of defender Michael Parkhurst that forced Matt Reis to bat away – almost out of harm’s way – before the ball collided with the woodwork rolled back to Reis.

In an amazing one-two sequence of events that began in the 41st minute, the Revolution faithful rose from its feet when Khano Smith sliced down the pitch before firing a cruise missile aimed right at Hartman. The attack momentarily halted, the Revs returned less than a minute later when the red carpet was once again rolled out – this time for Andy Dorman – and the lanky mid sent a skipper that was once again stuffed by a rather-busy El Gato.

The Revs continued their dominance of the bouncing orb for the opening minutes of frame two, and confidently assembled the troops in the K.C. end. Then, the all-out assault commenced when Smith positioned himself on the left wing and delivered a majestic cross to Twellman. Instead of taking the point-blank shot as defenders quickly converged, Twellman immediately headed the pass in mid-air to Noonan on his left before the scruffy striker finally unwrapped his present and banged home the goal at the 55th minute.

(Editor’s note: For the alternate perspective on this sequence, SMS provides the following, courtesy of Yankees announcer Suzyn Waldman: "OK, hang on everybody. Pat Noonan is still in the KC box, he's got the ball, but the Wizards aren't coming back! Oh my goodness gracious! Of all the dramatic things, of all the dramatic things I've ever seen, Pat Noonan is standing right in Kevin Hartman’s box with the ball on his foot and the Wizards aren't coming back!")

Clearly unsatisfied with a one-goal advantage versus the likes of E.J. and…E.J., the local 11 continued to overtake possession, despite the best efforts of the guests. At minute 73, Dorman once again stirred up trouble by firing an RPG directly at Hartman, who began to resemble a human piñata with the abuse he began to take as a result of his matador defending corps.

Conversely, the Revs back line harassed E.J. & Co. like paparazzi around Paris Hilton’s Range Rover. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide – and right in front of a live national audience!
Coach Steve Nicol stamped his classy signature on the night by substituting Adam Cristman for birthday boy Noonan, who received a warm round of applause from the home crowd. Yet, the move proved to be more than just for ceremony, as Cristman immediately hounded the ball in Wizards territory.

Somehow, the Wiz positioned themselves twice in the waning minutes to acquire the equalizer off of two threatening corner kicks.

However, the Revs immediately countered after the second attempt, after Reis astutely smothered the corner and flung the ball toward Ralston up field with lots of real estate before him. The captain raced toward the right before mailing a perfect cross to Cristman on the left. The rookie took the feed and quickly took the pass before pushing the ball past an off-guard Hartman to cap the festivities, giving the Revs a valuable three points against the second-place squad.

Stat of the Match, Part 1: Pat Noonan has now scored in three consecutive matches, with each of them assisted by Taylor Twellman.

Stat of the Match, Part 2: Prior to Noonan’s recent goal-scoring binge, Twellman had goose egg in the assist column this season. He now has three.

Stat of the Match, Part 3: The Revs beat K.C. at home for the first time this millennium. The last home win came on September 7, 1999.

Stat of the Match, Part 4: With Noonan and Cristman’s goals in the 55th and 91st + minute respectively, it marked the first time this season that both the starter and substitute each scored a goal in the same game for the Revs.

Stat of the Match, Part 5: Matt Reis has come up with the clean sheet in 39% of his games this season. He has seven shutouts in eighteen MLS matches thus far.

Stat of the Match, Part 6: Despite the grumbles of many, the Revs are still undefeated on the Gillette Stadium FieldTurf, having gone 5-0-2 on it.

Stat of the Match, Part 7: Not to be forgotten in Noonan’s spectacular birthday performance is Jay Heaps’ 31st birthday on the very same night. It should be noted that Heaps also had a great night on the pitch as well by commandeering the Revs backs to an impressive blanketing of the dangerous K.C. attack.

The AND1 “OH BAY-BEE!”Play of the Match: In the 66th minute , Wizards mid Carlos Marinelli gleefully traipsed near the box, shaking hands and kissing babies in a crowd around him. No sooner did he finish that when a floating ball came hurtling down to his outstretched leg. With his back to the goal, he then cradled the ball, turned, and fired on the rebound before the warhead screamed over the bar. Though the shot missed, SMS definitely saw some youngsters in Section 104 with mouths covered in disbelief, and many long tees waved in delight.

Random soccer-related thought: It’s not just the LA Galaxy that’s coming to Foxboro on the 12th…it’s David Beckham and the LA Galaxy.

Random semi soccer-related thought: Kansas City obviously does not use OxyClean for their white unis, as SMS noted that the road clubs jerseys were less than white. Then again, SMS has nothing to substantiate that the Kansas City jerseys are even washed during the season. (I kid, I kid!)

Recent jersey purchase: No jersey this week, but rather an artifact from the USA’94. For a mere $12.97, SMS was able to purchase a like-new, USA ’94 Apex One Windbreaker, much like the one occasionally worn by Bora Milutinovic back in the day. (Note: SMS is still in search of a Milutinovic wig to match.)

The “MLS Hates the Revs” Conspiracy update: Further proof that the powers that be certainly smile in depriving the Revs of the spotlight whenever possible: espn2 has decided to pick up Sunday's LA Galaxy-Toronto FC match, which may mark the MLS regular season debut of Mr. Beckham. Since espn2 can only broadcast a set amount of matches per season, the casualty of this scheduling change is the Revs-Rapids match the following Thursday. Which just goes to show...MLS hates the Revs.

How do you say “JoJo” in Portuguese? With the recent news of Freddy Adu's $2 million transfer to Portuguese Liga club SL Benfica, SMS was pleased to see the wunderkid land at the club, which just so happens to be the Portuguese club of choice for yours truly. In all seriousness though, the situation is the best fit for all involved.

First, Adu's star in MLS had all but burned out - in fact, quite prematurely - given the fact that the former RSL/DCU midfielder is all of 18 years old. The star of the 2004 MLS SuperDraft was traded to RSL during this past offseason, but never really fit into manager Jason Kreis' scheme. Plus, Adu's exorbitant salary for a small-market club like Real was certainly not helping the club and a transfer or trade. Lastly, with Adu's contract set to expire at the end of the season, MLS smartly cashed in on the star's recent showing in Canada.Adu never reached the star placed so astronomically high above him in MLS.

Value diminished and look to start anew, Adu never really settled into Kreis' struggling side. Then, the magic and wonder surrounding the newly-legal star appeared during the FIFA U-20 World Cup in Canada, and suddenly, Adu was reborn.

No one will dispute that Portuguese Liga is on par with EPL, Bundesliga, and La Liga. While Adu reportedly garnered mild interest from Manchester United during the offseason, the more appropriate forum for a talented youngster like Adu is a lower-tired European league like the one in Portugal.

The league itself has born many attacking talents, namely, a 21-year old Cristiano Ronaldo, and most recently, one-named youngsters Nani and Anderson, both of whom transferred to Manchester United in June for a reported $22 million combined. My point...ah yes, my point - good move!

(For further reading on this, check out Frank Dell'Apa's piece on the transfer on espnsoccernet.com)

Misleading advertising, the Sequel: While yours truly was returning from Wednesday's training at Payson Park Field (a place that will be discussed in a future entry), he encountered a flyer at the local gas station that stated the following promotion for the KC-Revs match: Free ShirtFree Plasma TV*

What? A free TV? I'll pitch my tent right outside the newly constructed entry gates for the first crack at hauling one back to the abode! Oh wait a minute...that little asterisk usually means "refer to the small, barely readable print entailing what the caveat is." In this instance, yes, someone can win a 42" Plasma screen TV. However, you must enter to win the TV. Thus the flyer, if it hopes to be accurate, should read, "enter to win a Free TV." Another fine example of shrewd marketing, even if it is somewhat misleading.

Following the match, SMS offered this haiku to the not-so-clean shaven birthday boy:

Happy Birthday Noonan
Maybe Gillette can offer
You a new Mach3?

Another birthday haiku for the fellow birthday boy:

Birthday boy shines on
National television
Nothing gets by Heaps!

Alternate soccer clubs of SMS’s interest update: None at this time, sir. Aaaaaiiiiiiiyeeeeeeee! Although the Stingrays season is over, SMS will boldly go where no semi-delusional, third-person referencing soccer critic has gone before: college soccer. Stay tuned!

US Women’s National Team Feature: She’s earned 162 caps over nine years as a defender for the WNT, and yet, despite the mileage, Christie Rampone still does well to give her opponents headaches. Interestingly, according to her ussoccer.com bio, Christie has a black lab named tiger – but Christie, tigers aren’t black! Anywho, one of the most senior members of the squad will be appearing in her third FIFA Women’s World Cup this September, hoping to help ensure another championship for the USA.

Join us in 72 hours or so on what promises to be another sunny Sunday afternoon for the DC United match. While the next two weeks are going to be quite busy for the boys, the same could be said for SMS as well, with schedule jam-packed with weddings, vacations, family barbeques and llama raising.

Oh, and then some bloke named Beckham will be here next Sunday. Friends and family have been clamoring to SMS in an attempt acquire some sort of Becks-related physical specimen of to bring back them. Tall order, right? Wrong! I will duly bottle and seal with the official SMS Stamp of Approval, high quality, authentic David Beckham air from Gillette Stadium horded mere feet away from the English superstar. Remember, this will be an SMS exclusive!

Got a comment, question, or accusation? Feel free to write me at SMSRevs@gmail.com. Hey, I just may quote you in a future article. Be advised that comments and questions will be selected on a completely arbitrary basis.

Sunday Morning Striker: EJ burns Revs, 4-3

Hope you’ve had an enjoyable Memorial Day weekend so far! SMS was busy attending a whopping total of five soccer matches during the extended break from the office. Luckily, all of the matches were exciting, which left SMS temporarily distracted from the reality that this season of American Idol is now over and that he just forked over $42 to fill up at the pump.

What a game that was last week - a splendid rematch of the 2006 MLS Cup final! Unfortunately, SMS was precluded from viewing the 1-0 cold dish served to the Creamsicles, as Cox Communications does not carry Fox Soccer Channel in Rhode Island. Nevertheless, SMS was quite entertained by actual live soccer taking the place 1.25 miles west from casa de la SMS over at Pierce Field, the home of the Rhode Island Stingrays of the Premier Development League.

The match, a stunning display of pure domination to the tune of 4-0 over the Vermont Voltage, featured two former MLSers who made news this past winter. Miguel Fortes, a.k.a. Rui Fortes of preseason LA Galaxy tryout fame, and Jeffrey Gonsalves, drafted by Toronto FC in SuperDraft, both had their hands in Stingray goals on the cool and damp Saturday night. SMS highly recommends taking the kids and wife over to Pierce Field this summer to catch the ‘Rays, for an entertaining (and frugal!) night of soccer.

SMS was also quite entertained with the Ireland-Bolivia under card match prior to the Revs-Wizards main event on Saturday. While some may surmise that SMS was strongly pro-Ireland due to SMS’s pro-Irish moniker, he was very enthusiastic about watching the South American soccer that Paul Gardner regularly touts as truly entertaining and free spirited futbol.

Of course, one of the most sobering aspects of international matches is the heightened threat level that accompanies them whenever two countries’ sides hit the pitch. Sobering indeed when you are greeted by bomb-sniffing dogs and military personnel at what’s supposed to be a diversion from the troubles of real life.

Anyway, the match itself ranked high on SMS’s entertainment scale, which is no small feat nowadays. With Real World Denver now over, and only two more episodes of The Shield before the current season ends, SMS will sure be experiencing withdrawal pains in between live soccer matches of the Revolution and Stingray variety.

Back to soccer: the Irish scored the opening goal in the 13th minute, when Shane Long crashed the Bolivian goal, giving the “home” team the early 1-0 lead. However, the Bolivians quickly licked their wounds and fired a goal of their own less than two minutes later when Miguel Hoyos found himself on an island in front of the Irish goal, and launched a no-doubter past a helpless Nicky Colgan for the equalizer in the 14th.

In the second half, SMS wandered away from the sterile confines of the Gillette Stadium press box and assimilated himself into the crowd to catch the rest of the match (and work on his tan in the process.) The crowd was remarkably spirited and enthusiastic, with some colorful incidents (four fans in Section 117 getting unceremoniously taken away in handcuffs after causing some spectator raucous) and comments (“You know why Ireland can’t get another goal? It’s because they’re not used to the sun”).

The last 45 minutes transpired like that of an M. Night Shyamalan flick – a dramatic, almost eerie episode of soccer that made you feel like something was bound to be lurking just around the corner. Both squads constantly threatened each other with potential go-ahead scores early in the second half, but none ever found the back of the net. Although the match ended in an apparent “oh honey, it’s another one of those boring soccer ties” on paper, the game was perhaps the most thrilling 1-1 tie SMS has ever witnessed in his brief soccer journalism career.

After that appealing first match, the Revs-Wizard main card bout kicked off on absolute gem of an evening that featured hazy skies and unseasonably warm temps, enough to crack open the window in the press box. SMS had concerns that the newly-sodded (yes, as in the natural stuff) Gillette Satdium pitch could pose a problem after Ireland-Bolivia concluding less than 45 minutes prior. How would the turf hold up? SMS was anxious; for the gods had smiled upon the club for so long that the fear of potential injury to a Revolution player was certainly running amok on the mind.

As SMS peered onto the now-completely shaded field, the bright boots of Taylor Twellman shone through the shadows. Given this development, SMS was confident in a victory for the local XI.

Curiously, there was no national anthem prior to this match, but SMS supposes this was covered prior to the international match. At 6:37pm ET, Kansas City kicked off to begin the match, and the ball resided in the Revolution in the opening minutes, as the Revs failed to march down the KC end with any effectiveness

That all changed at 6:48pm ET, when Andy Dorman raced down the middle and passed to a crashing Steve Ralston, whose shot was initially rejected by Wizards keeper Kevin Hartmann, before Ralston cleaned up the rebound, reloaded, and fired past a helpless Hartmann, for the early 1-0 lead at the 11th minute mark.

In the 18th, Dorman laced a shot from the right wing, before it was hauled in by Hartmann, thus neutralizing the potential Revolution march. Soon after, in the 19th, an attacking Eddie Johnson cradled the ball, and right before he managed a shot, Jeff Larentowicz pulled on EJ’s jersey, leading to a dangerous free kick. The kick was humorously blocked Jay Heaps, who broke away from the Revolution wall in the direction of the point blank rocket, earning hearty praise from the home crowd.

While KC managed to re-establish itself in Revolution territory, the Revs back line did well to stifle any Wizardry on its real estate.

With SMS’s cell phone reading 7:11pm ET, Taylor Twellman raced down the heart of the Kansas City end in wide open space before he sidestepped defender Aaron Hohlbein and smoked a shot that deflected off his victim and past a startled Hartmann in the 23rd minute. 2-0 Revs.

Undeterred - inspired if anything - by the whole Revolution goal-scoring spectacle, the Wizards countered right back when Davy Arnaud dusted off Shalrie Joseph down the middle for the first goal for the Wizards in the 25th minute at 7:14pm ET. 2-1 Revs.

Not content to rest on its laurels for too long, the Wizards scored the equalizer in the 26th minute, when EJ took a lobbed feed from Jack Jewsbury and put the ball past Matt Reis.

Three goals in three minutes, and SMS feverishly typed away, trying to keep up with the action. At 2-2, it appeared to be anybody’s match to the casual bystander. However, it became clear to even the blindest of men that the momentum had clearly been harnessed by the road club. The helium in the Revolution blimp riding high after Twellman’s goal was effectively forced out by the sharp darts of Wizard goals.

This is when good teams – teams at the top of the Eastern Conference standings – have their mettle tested. How would the Revs respond to such a crushing sequence?

In the 33rd minute, Ralston took a corner that found the noggin of Pat Noonan, but sailed well away from the KC goal. Despite this chance, the Revs looked clearly deflated, and struggled to mount the same pressure that had led to their previous scores.

In the 38th, EJ flashed the speed and ball skills that had SL Benfica (Portuguese Liga) drooling all over him to the tune of a five million dollar transfer bid two years ago. As the sun was setting in the distance, he took a ball on the left corner of the box, before racing parallel to the net and firing a groundhog past Reis for the go-ahead goal for the Wizards. 3-2, Wizards, and SMS to scribbled “amazing” into his notebook after watching EJ’s brilliant goal.

At the 43rd minute mark, the Revs reorganized their attack, intent on attaining the equalizer. Khano Smith sent in a beautiful cross from the left wing to Twellman, who nodded it just right of the goal for a late-half bid to even the score before the closing bell of the first frame. The Revs continued to muster their attack in stoppage time before it ultimately fizzled out, leaving the first place club staring straight at a one-goal deficit as time expired on the first half.

Perhaps the most accurate assessment of the match thus far was when SMS overheard a comment that the game was “a vanilla match punctuated by a gaggle of goals.”

What did the second half promise for a clearly dejected home club? As SMS pondered the question, he took to the cookies spread and munched on some oatmeal cookies – hopefully, not failure cookies. Readers, SMS ate free cookies and drank fountain soda to bring you this highly-detailed account of the match!

As the second half kicked off, SMS was ready to see what kind of fire Nicol sparked under his club’s collective rear during the halftime interval.

In the 55th minute, the Revs were awarded a free kick after Jay Heaps as fouled as he attempted to crash the net. The kick, taken by Smith, from just outside the right side of the box, was launched an absolute mallard out of the reach of any Revs player under twenty feet tall.

The Revs threatened again in the 59th, when Joseph battled Jewsbury just before the box, before the Wizard defender pulled down the Grenadian. The Revs were subsequently granted a free kick from just above the box. Ralston cracked the free kick, which clanked right off the right corner of the goal, as the Wizards surely must have sighed in relief.

In the 64th, Adam Cristman, who had also just come into match, was fouled, giving another free kick in an opportune part of the field. Ralston launched a gorgeous ball to an airborne Twellman, who headed the ball just above the crossbar.

In the 69th minute, at 8:03pm ET, Joseph penetrated the box and kicked a shot that was deflected off the KC defender’s hand, leading to a penalty kick. Joseph took the kick himself, and duly sent in the equalizer, giving the Revs a well-deserved goal after constant pressure in the KC end. The gods typically reward these efforts, and must have smiled on the efforts of the navy and red.

However, the Wizards did not buckle. Amazingly, the goal must have inspired the KC offense, and they began to pressure the Revs end of the field.

Said pressure came to a climax in the 82nd minute when, in a bid for his third goal of the game, EJ streaked down the heart of the field past James Riley and Matt Reis and put the ball in the corner of the Revolution net. 4-3, Wizards, and the speedy striker notched his first hat trick of his MLS career.

Yet, the Revs did not go down quietly. In the 84th, Twellman attacked with a surface-to-air missile targeted for the upper right shelf before it was intercepted by the left paw of Kevin Hartman, snuffing out the Revs their best chance to equalize in the expiring minutes of the match. The Revs aggressively converged upon the Wizards like a gaggle of paparazzi at a Lindsay Lohan party, hoping the gods would smile upon them as they had for the majority of the season.

With three minutes of stoppage time, the Revs had their work cut out for them in order to acquire the elusive equalizer. One last chance on a free kick from the right wing, but the ball sailed out of harm’s way, and the Revs dropped their first match in 48 days, 4-3 to the club from KC.

Stat of the Match Part 1: According to the post-match Ireland-Boliva press release, exactly 00,000 attended the 1-1 international thriller. Coincidentally, the exact same number of people also voted that the tie-breaker be resolved by a live cock fight at center-circle.

Stat of the Match Part 2: Two Missouri natives lead the Revs in goals scored against Kansas City: Both Pat Noonan (St. Louis) Taylor Twellman (St. Louis) have each scored four goals career against the Wizards.

Stat of the Match Part 3: The Revs haven’t beaten the Wizards at home this millennium. Their last win over KC was back on September 7, 1999.

Stat of the Match Part 4: Saturday night’s game marked the first time Matt Reis gave up four goals since last year’s 4-0 loss at FC Dallas on May 20th.

Stat of the Match Part 5: Three goals were scored in a four minute span during the first half (Twellman 23’, Arnaud 25’, Johnson 26’). SMS hasn’t seen scoring like that since Matt Dillon’s Oscar-worthy performance in Wild Things.

Hidden Indicator of the Match: Two Revs players from Missouri scored goals against their home state’s MLS club. This is the kind of hidden indicator that is essential to an insider’s understanding of the game. Fortunately, we all know what this means: Ralston and Twellman are two of the club’s best players.

“MLS Hates the Revs” Conspiracy Update: In recent years, the rhetoric regarding the Revs tough luck when it comes to national TV coverage, scheduling (see: first half of 2006 season), unscrupulous officiating toward a certain Grenadian, and other unfortunate events have led some fans to decry that “MLS Hates the Revs.” Given all this, it’s theoretically possible that, if MLS had accepted SL Benfica’s $5 million transfer bid for EJ back in 2005, the Revs would have won handily, 3-1, Saturday night. Wow! I guess MLS really does hate the Revs!

Revs Reserves Update: SMS is happy to report that recent Revolution rookie addition Kyle Helton has speed to burn, and said stealth was on display before a handful of spectators on Sunday morning. During one fantastic sequence in the first half, Helton pick pocketed a Wizard defender and flicked the switch on the afterburners down the right flank, before sending a perfect ball to Chris Loftus, who diverted the ball into the back of the net. By far, one of the sweetest sequences SMS has seen in Reserve Division competition.

Stingrays Update: Through the miracle of seven consecutive green lights and a DOHC V-Tech engine, SMS was able to catch the final 15 minutes of the Stingrays-Admirals PDL tilt, thus giving SMS the uncanny distinction of attending three matches in the span of less than five hours.

Inflated ego aside, the remainder of the match had the Rays on full-bore attack, as the Admirals just barely escaped with a win at Pierce Field. Reportedly, Peter Squeglia scored the sinister goal for Albany in the 11th, leading the Rays to their third loss of the season.

US Women’s National Team Feature: The heir apparent to legendary WNT keeper Briana Scurry, Hope Solo has performed remarkably well during the past two seasons, including a ridiculous 1,054 minute goal-less streak set back in 2006. Additionally, she had a particularly impressive Four Nations tourney back in January, in which she was named Best Goalkeeper after allowing only one goal. Nevertheless, trying to fill the shoes of Scurry is a monumental task - a task that Solo has proven she can undertake.

Join us again after the Revs-Real Salt Lake match, as the home club hopes to rebound from Saturday night’s home loss – and what better team to do it against! Real has yet to win this season, which means SMS predicts a convincing home victory come the night of June 2nd. SMS guarantees the accuracy of all predictions - or the next one’s free!