The "back to school for the first time in four years" rant

Yes, you've read correctly: I am back in school!

Yesterday evening, I attended my first college-credit course since my graduation from RIC in 2004. I have to admit, though I was somewhat nervous about the prospect of going back to school, I was also very enthusiastic about being back at the alma mater for the same schoolin' I despised in my early-20s. Now, I've come to embrace it.

Kids - stay in school AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. Go to college. Get your master's degree. Get your doctorate. Return and get a second doctorate. Avoid the real world as long as you can.

By now, I've lost half of my reader(s), so those of you still here are probably wondering "are you gonna get to soccer at all?" Why, yes. Yes I will.

*The most interesting aspect of going back to school (wait, wait...this deals with soccer) is introducing oneself to others during the first class. However, our first exercise of class was to interview the person seated next to us, find something interesting about them, and tell the class. When I disclosed to my classroom collaborator that I was a soccer journalist, and told the class as well, my new classmates found that quite interesting. In fact, I was somewhat embarrassed that my peers had found my little hobby rather interesting.

Of course, now that the professor knows of this, I fear some heightened expectations from her. The class? "News Writing 240".

*The Revolution's invitation-only tryouts are tonight at the Dana-Farber Fieldhouse. As much as I would like to attend to watch some 20-30 hopefuls, almost all of whom will fail to impress, I have yet another class tonight that will keep me a safe distance from Foxboro until 7:30pm.

Some view these tryouts as just another mundane exercise. Yet, I find these tryouts pretty entertaining, since they are somewhat the soccer equivalent of American Idol. Here you have a group of young gentlemen all vying for the same thing: a shot at becoming a professional footballer. Through the course of the few hours they have to open some eyes, there'll be bad passing, lousy goals, and stupid fouls. But at the same time, there will also be wonderful shots (a brilliant scissor-kick still fresh in my mind from last year) and tremendous saves (courtesy of tryout success story Brad Knighton).

Call it American Footballer, if you will.

The Mystery of Rui Fortes...SOLVED

It was reported a few odd weeks ago that former Rhode Island Stingrays midfielder Rui Fortes was given a trial with the Los Angeles Galaxy after surviving an invitiation-only tryout hosted by the club back in February. From what's been disseminated by MLS talking heads and media alike, he's seen action in at least one game, but beyond that...nothing else.

He's not listed on the Gals' roster, nor is there any mention of a release or wave goodbye. So with this information one can naturally assume the following:

1. He's still toiling in anonymity as a trial player.

2. He's been subsquently released.

3. He's changed his name to Rui Costa and joined SL Benfica

4. He discovered the dirty secret about the substance holding together David Beckham's hairdo, was repeatedly pistol-whipped, given hush money and now "lives" in a San Bernadino trailer park and goes by the name Jim Druckenmiller.

After an exhaustive investigation, I've whiddled out the last two theories, which leaves us with two options: he's either with the club, or he's been let go. One would figure this would be an easy situation to figure out. Hell, it ain't multiple choice (thank God) , but one does have to wonder where the Pawtucket native currently kicks around the soccer balls. Since the LA Galaxy site is about as updated as the playlist on a classic rock radio station, some crack research on a 37 cent budget is in order.

An interesting tidbit uncovered during my research: LAobserved.com reports that the participants of last month's Galaxy tryout each paid a $130 fee to be invited. Nothing like shutting out a talented, less fortunate player and in turn essentially taking bribes from players for them to even be considered. No money = no chance. I suppose the club had to pay Becks' somehow...

Anyway, though my list of "insiders" is about as long as a Johnny Damon throw from center, I did will do what I can, speak to some "associates", send various quantities of pilfered cigarettes and scratch tickets to the appropriate persons, and will try and solve this mystery of...Rui Fortes.

UPDATE: Acoording to LA Soccer News has reported that our Portugese Rudy has been cut by the Gals. Sniff, sniff.