Aye Caramba.
Did you see last night's Revolution-Joe Public CONCACAF Champions League match? Judging by the attendance, and that the Fox Soccer Channel telecast was competing with coverage of the Republican National Convention, you probably didn't. Lucky you.
All you need to know, from a writer's perspective, is that by halftime, there were no writers left. Just a gaggle of wannabe comedians.* The jokes were flying left and right, from every angle. The wisecracks outnumbered the keystrokes something like 1,908,013 to 1. Meanwhile, someone turned on the Red Sox game on one of the press box TVs for a welcome distraction. Others took bets on how many balls would escape Matt Reis before the night ended.
(*I have a theory that just about every writer secretly aspires to be a comedian. I haven't quite put my finger on why that is - perhaps it's because we all realize that it's our job to play with words. Sometimes, the seriousness of a standard match report or feature doesn't allow us to convey our uncanny senses of humor. So we compensate for it by turning press boxes into a comedy clubs and publishing half-witty blogs.)
Personally, I stuggled to find adequate words to accurately describe what exactly was taking place on the pitch below. A thesaurus would have been useful. I asked my colleagues what another word for "obliterated" was ("annihilated" got the most votes), as I forced my fingers to systematically pound out the final paragraph.
Thankfully, the the eyewitness accounts were limited, with an announced crowd of about 3,500 on hand, many of whom disguised themselves as navy blue seats.**
(**The cool thing about a near-empty Gillette Stadium is that acoustics were sensational. The chants from The Fort magnificently echoed throughout the bowl.)
BUT ANYWAY, the game was horrid. Absolutely horrid, if you were a Revolution fan. Shalrie Joseph was perhaps the only player in navy that looked like a legit soccer player. Everyone else seemed to be there just to run through the motions. In fact, around the 28th minute, as the Revs crashed toward goal, a fellow writer said "wow, that actually looked like soccer right there." Unfortunately, that was only one of perhaps maybe...two moments where I could suspend my disbelief that an MLS club was getting absolutely pwned by the fifth-best team in Trinidad***.
(***In fact, Joe Public had just lost to eighth place Defence Force 0-1 on Saturday. Like I always say - DON'T SLEEP ON DEFENCE FORCE. EVER.)
Despite the schadenfreude, Joe Public's Gregory Richardson managed to clinch a hat trick after drinking Gabriel Badilla's milkshake all night. The striker was a revelation to many, and it wasn't just his speed. The dude can flat out dish as well as finish. He was simply the best player on the pitch last night.
When asked if he would like to play in MLS, he nodded affirmatively, and stated that Columbus had shown interest. Let's hope that Stevie Nicol gets Richardson's digits before Sigi Schmid scoops (alliteration alert!) him up and puts him in Crew yellow.
********
For those of you in dire need of some humor, check out shalriejoseph.com. In the words of my colleague Sean Donahue, it's "amazing." I couldn't agree more.
I love how Shal-Joe just drops rhymes like Mama Wayans drops babies. Check out this ill rhyme:
"I am doing this for the sake of it…so drink up, but only if you have the age or its aged. Shalriejoseph.com is about to strike as fast as that lightning Bolt. But don’t call me Usain… I am even more insane…I am at the helm of this new realm, and here comes the thunder …let me take a pause and make sure that I don’t lose you, or confuse you, I am delusional, if you have never been there than you have no idea what illusions do…"
And who knew that SJ and I had a common ethos?
"Nothin I write is 2 be taken seriously, unless I’m serious…
I’m serious…"
Word is born. For real. I'm out. One.
Showing posts with label Joe Public FC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joe Public FC. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Public Embarrassment
FOXBOROUGH, Mass. – Facing a one-goal aggregate deficit, the New England Revolution plummeted into a four-goal aggregate abyss before the hour, as Joe Public FC thieved an unlikely 4-0 victory, and advanced Group stage of the CONCACAF Champions League Tuesday night at Gillette Stadium.
Gregory Richardson registered a hat trick (17th minute, 45th minute and 81st minute) and Roen Nelson chipped in with a goal in the 49th minute.
The 6-1 aggregate result for the Trinidadian eleven marked the first win for a Caribbean team in CONCACAF Club competition history.
“Tonight, we played marvelously,” said Joe Public FC manager Keith Griffith. “We played extremely well, and very well organized.”
The guests kicked off the scoring in the 17th minute, when, off a Revolution give away, Nelson took hold of the ball and fed it forward to Richardson. The Joe Public striker raced into the box and pushed the ball past Matt Reis for the first goal of the game, thus giving the Revolution a steep two-goal aggregate deficit before the 20th minute.
The Revolution tried to dig their way out in the 24th minute when Mauricio Castro launched a corner kick from the right corner. But Castro’s cross failed to connect with a teammate, and the ball quickly returned to Joe Public.
Perhaps the best chance of the night for New England came off a Revolution throw in, Jay Heaps pushed it diagonal to Shalrie Joseph, quickly took it goalward all alone before chipping the ball wide of the far post in the 35th minute.
At the 40th minute, Wolry Wolfe tested Reis with a rising hard shot that forced the keeper airborne before his right pad deflected the ball away, as a rare Joe Public shot failed to find itself in the net.
But Joe Public didn’t miss at the 45th minute when Richardson took on defender Gabriel Badilla deep into the box before unleashing a sharp-angled shot that tucked itself inside the far post for the 2-0 lead.
“To be honest, we saw (New England) play Toronto (on August 23rd) and their wingbacks were weak,” said Griffith. “So we used our speed. Quick feet. Good movement. Good shooting.”
Entering the second half, the Revolution, tied to a three goal albatross, tried to shut down the quick feet and good shooting in order to salvage a sliver of respect in front of the home crowd. However, any shards of self-esteem were effectively crushed when Richardson sent a brilliant pass to Roen, who fired a hard shot that slipped into the net during the 49th minute and pushed the Revolution into a cavernous four-goal ditch before the hour mark.
With little to play for, and a 1-5 aggregate score hanging above them, the Revolution simply failed to scrape together attacking chances. As the match painfully crawled to its conclusion, Joe Public exploited the lackadaisical New England defending corps for the remainder of the night.
“We were done,” said Revolution manager Steve Nicol. “We (had) nothing in the tank.”
To compound the Revolution’s plight, Khano Smith limped off the pitch with an apparent injury in the 77th minute. With all three of its substitutes already dispatched, the injury put the Revolution in an unenviable position of playing a man down.
Adding insult to injury, Richardson completed the hat trick in the 81st minute when took a Silas Spann pass and fired a curling shot that evaded Reis for the fourth Joe Public goal of the game.
“It was one of my best performances in a long time, after being injured for two months,” said Richardson. “They just couldn’t handle (me).”
After the match, Nicol said his club can now focus on MLS competition, and finishing the season on a strong note.
“Absolutely. We can now concentrate on the league - and that’s exactly what we’ll do,” said Nicol.
Griffith thanked his players and staff for the emphatic result against a formidable MLS club like New England.
“It has been a good journey after joining the club a month ago,”said Griffith. “I want to thank my technical staff, as well as the players, who performed (incredibly).”
Gregory Richardson registered a hat trick (17th minute, 45th minute and 81st minute) and Roen Nelson chipped in with a goal in the 49th minute.
The 6-1 aggregate result for the Trinidadian eleven marked the first win for a Caribbean team in CONCACAF Club competition history.
“Tonight, we played marvelously,” said Joe Public FC manager Keith Griffith. “We played extremely well, and very well organized.”
The guests kicked off the scoring in the 17th minute, when, off a Revolution give away, Nelson took hold of the ball and fed it forward to Richardson. The Joe Public striker raced into the box and pushed the ball past Matt Reis for the first goal of the game, thus giving the Revolution a steep two-goal aggregate deficit before the 20th minute.
The Revolution tried to dig their way out in the 24th minute when Mauricio Castro launched a corner kick from the right corner. But Castro’s cross failed to connect with a teammate, and the ball quickly returned to Joe Public.
Perhaps the best chance of the night for New England came off a Revolution throw in, Jay Heaps pushed it diagonal to Shalrie Joseph, quickly took it goalward all alone before chipping the ball wide of the far post in the 35th minute.
At the 40th minute, Wolry Wolfe tested Reis with a rising hard shot that forced the keeper airborne before his right pad deflected the ball away, as a rare Joe Public shot failed to find itself in the net.
But Joe Public didn’t miss at the 45th minute when Richardson took on defender Gabriel Badilla deep into the box before unleashing a sharp-angled shot that tucked itself inside the far post for the 2-0 lead.
“To be honest, we saw (New England) play Toronto (on August 23rd) and their wingbacks were weak,” said Griffith. “So we used our speed. Quick feet. Good movement. Good shooting.”
Entering the second half, the Revolution, tied to a three goal albatross, tried to shut down the quick feet and good shooting in order to salvage a sliver of respect in front of the home crowd. However, any shards of self-esteem were effectively crushed when Richardson sent a brilliant pass to Roen, who fired a hard shot that slipped into the net during the 49th minute and pushed the Revolution into a cavernous four-goal ditch before the hour mark.
With little to play for, and a 1-5 aggregate score hanging above them, the Revolution simply failed to scrape together attacking chances. As the match painfully crawled to its conclusion, Joe Public exploited the lackadaisical New England defending corps for the remainder of the night.
“We were done,” said Revolution manager Steve Nicol. “We (had) nothing in the tank.”
To compound the Revolution’s plight, Khano Smith limped off the pitch with an apparent injury in the 77th minute. With all three of its substitutes already dispatched, the injury put the Revolution in an unenviable position of playing a man down.
Adding insult to injury, Richardson completed the hat trick in the 81st minute when took a Silas Spann pass and fired a curling shot that evaded Reis for the fourth Joe Public goal of the game.
“It was one of my best performances in a long time, after being injured for two months,” said Richardson. “They just couldn’t handle (me).”
After the match, Nicol said his club can now focus on MLS competition, and finishing the season on a strong note.
“Absolutely. We can now concentrate on the league - and that’s exactly what we’ll do,” said Nicol.
Griffith thanked his players and staff for the emphatic result against a formidable MLS club like New England.
“It has been a good journey after joining the club a month ago,”said Griffith. “I want to thank my technical staff, as well as the players, who performed (incredibly).”
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