Meet the New Boss; Same as the Old Boss!

US Soccer announced that the interim label affixed to Bob Bradley has been ceremoniously removed on Wednesday, as it appears that the rumored hush-hush negotiations with other candidates (i.e. Juergen Klinsmann and...Juergen Klinsmann) have apparently reached an impasse, thus granting Bradley more permanent control of the US Men’s National Team managerial reins.

In an exercise of near comic futility, US Soccer President Sunil Gulati successfully demonstrated how far away soccer is from ever getting its act together here in the States by conducting a ten-month long process of determining the "winner" of the US MNT coaching competition.

What does this exercise in futility showcase? First and foremost, it displays complete ineptitude to fill one of the most important vacancies in American sports. Could you imagine any other professional North American sports team spending ten months to determine its manager or head coach? The talking heads at US Soccer preoccupied themselves with Klinsmann for so long that when he ultimately replied nein, the heads scrambled to find a quick-fix replacement. Enter: Bob Bradley, fully equipped with the insufferable interim tag.

Secondly, granting the job on a temporary basis to Bradley only instilled the idea among anyone with a pair of functioning brains cells that this was merely a front to buy more time for Gulati & Friends to try and sweeten the deal for Klinnsman, or to find the next best alternative. Note to readers: the next best choice was not Bradley.

Of course, all the while US Soccer was attempting to get its act together, Bradley admirably conducted himself in the very manner his bosses had miserably failed to do, by displaying leadership and integrity all while the guillotine hovered above. Bradley guided his charges to a 3-0-1 record with the scarlet letter "I" placed on his chest. By posting an undefeated record at the helm, Bradley saved US Soccer immeasurable face in the wake of the circus that became trying to find his replacement.

After the Germany ‘06 debacle, and Bruce Arena's accompanying unceremonious exit, Gulati needed to make a firm statement that its priorities were to address the deficiencies uncovered during the summer. Arena's removal was the first step. The second one should have been to hire a reputable manager to steer the squad back toward the success it experienced back in 2002. It was absolutely critical that the situation be handled with the utmost precision and care.

What did they do instead? They embarrassingly stumbled before the press days before Christmas, after failing to deliver the toy at the top of nearly every American soccer fan’s Christmas list, and hastily packaged the best available option in Bradley, with the caveat that he was merely the handed the job on the interim basis.

What’s the matter, Sunil, Bora Milutinovic wasn’t available?

Did US Soccer make the right move to hire Bradley on a full-time basis? Yes. In essence, it was the only move Gulati & Friends could make, after leaping through circus hoops and rings of fire to find themselves a manager. In the process, they came out looking like the laughing stock of international soccer. Of all the things the world's lone superpower can accomplish, hiring a manager to lead its national soccer team seems to be its Achilles heel.

In little over a year, US Soccer went from the sanctioning body overseeing one of the world's rising soccer squads to the present-day joke that no respectable international coach, like Klinsmann or Jose Pekerman, would even take, despite the allure of taking a over a squad that will more than likely qualify for the 2010 World Cup.

By vanquishing Bradley's "interim" label, Gulati did what any nearsighted bigwig would do: maintain the status quo. Sadly, this move is, quite frankly, the only decision it could make after months of continued mismanagement. After all, which self-respecting coach would throw his hat into this kind of three-ring circus?

Where else in professional sports has such a spectacle occurred? It took four months to name an interim, and another six to fill the vacancy permanently with the very same gentleman who carried the interim label. Talk about "meet the new boss; same as the old boss."

How the hell is soccer ever going to win over American fans when the shot callers at US Soccer continue to undermine the efforts of its own national team?

It's quite sad really, that after years of progress on the field, the suits and ties that probably haven't kicked a soccer ball since the Carter Administration have undermined its own players by running a program with the kind of misguided direction that Britney Spears would be envious of. Nothing gives the air of stability like bungled negotiations with your first, second, and maybe even third choice, for a managerial vacancy.

US-Guatemala Post Game Thoughts

Thoughts on Wednesday night's game:

Like four-inch pocket blades in the sides of the Goodyears, the Guatemalan National Team deflated the tires of the US Men’s National Team ride. The beautiful game, this was not. In fact, it was the ugly game. This was the kind of game of that makes Bea Arthur look like Christina Aguilera, for even a sideline of half-naked Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders couldn't have redeemed the outward appearance of this game. Then again...

I suppose the stomach-turning scene could be attributed to two deciding factors: the Guatemalans’ shameless zeal on defending (hence the 4-5-1 opening formation) and the weary legs of the US players, who had just taken a 3-1 result from Ecuador just three days prior. Put the two in a blender, add two cups of physical play and a referee who looked more like a bystander than actual arbiter, and you have one of the most unwatchable games on national television since the 2006 MLS Cup back in November.

So much for the stereotype that Central American sides are often more creative than their European counterparts – last night’s horror debunked that myth. I don't know if last night's strategy was typical of the Guatemalans, or if it was a specifically-tailored game plan enacted after watching the Americans throttle their Ecuadorian opponents on Sunday. If the latter was the case, then credit the Guatemalans for really making the game a long, drawn-out nightmare of a match for the Americans, complete a packed midfield, relentless (uncalled) fouls and an endless series of long balls. Essentially, it was a style of play that the Americans were largely unprepared for, especially after facing the complete opposite style of play employed the Ecuadorians.

Eddie Johnson’s National Team run is about as stagnant as Ben Affleck’s acting career. He needs to find a way to break this goal-scoring slump ASAP. Credit ESPN commentators Rob Stone and Eric Wynalda for calling out Bradley's decision to keep Johnson in the starting eleven. Zero goals in 12 games for a forward of his talent is beyond a slump and it should be cause for Bob Bradley to have EJ find his confidence elsewhere, whether it be in MLS, Portuguese Liga, or USL - wherever - before coming back for another National Team call up. If he's not going to find his form in MLS (where he tallied a whopping two goals last year), he certainly won't find it in international competition.

I hate devoting more lines to the unflattering aspects of Wednesday night’s horror show, but the game provided more than enough fodder for it. I think if you tally up the time that the ball was in the air, it would have qualified for bonus Capital One frequent flier miles. If this is the style of play that the US intends on employing versus Guatemala during the Gold Cup in June, then I can bypass the Tylenol PM as my primary sleep aid on the night of June 7th. Speaking of long balls...

Is there an international long ball launching competition among goalkeepers that I don't know about? Kasey Keller, as good of a keeper as there is, annoyingly launches those goal kicks as if FIFA was one the cusp of outlawing them altogether. Methinks Keller is a frustrated football place kicker, who ultimately found that the talent to rocket air-filled spheres translated well to soccer. I wanted to (and actually did) scream "RELAX KASEY!" in response to said goal kicks (much to the chagrin of my studious brother, who was preparing for an exam in the adjacent room). Hey Kasey, how about actually allowing your players to get upfield before you clear the runway for takeoff? Enough with the Hail Mary boots - it isn't Randy Moss on the receiving end of those booming kicks of yours.

Four games, three wins, one tie - no losses. 3-0-1. Undefeated. Whichever way you spell it, Bob Bradley has yet to lose with the dreaded “interim” label prefixed before his title. Now, one would think that the prospect of shedding the label was not enhanced by last night's game. But, let me say this: Bradley wasn't outcoached, nor has he been outmatched during his current (albeit, short) tenure. His boys were simply outmuscled and, quite frankly, abused by a Guatemalan squad that wasn't at all playing for a result. It was a dogfight from start to finish, with little opportunity for the pretty one-touch passing drills and the creative dribbling in open space that were prominently featured in Tampa last weekend.

It would be an absolute farce if US Soccer doesn't give the job to Bradley at this point. After three months of evaluations, camps, and games, I cannot adequately convey how much of a setback it would be for the men’s program to come this far, essentially find itself considerable success, only to take the eraser to the blackboard and completely wipe out all that was learned. Much has been accomplished up until this point, and with two very important international tournaments on tap for this summer (Copa America and the Gold Cup), it would be disconcerting if Bradley was relinquished of his duties at this critical juncture. If this whole charade is part of an elaborate, well-thought out plan by the talking heads at US Soccer to undermine the progress of a convalescing squad of players whose collective psyche was absolutely shattered last June during the World Cup, then maybe we can all look forward to the wonderful prospect of an absent United States side in South Africa three years from now.

Now, onto the less insightful observations…

The team came out in those pinstriped royal blue fashion faux paus once again. In fact, it occurred to me that these very jerseys look like pajama tops, sans the buttons and left-breast initial. Apparently, these ill-designed shirts were said to have contained some magic powers that, the players hypothesized, allowed them to play so well vs. Ecuador. Surely, these magical pinstriped garments could only aid in the players’ efforts vs. Guatemala, right? Not so much, as this hypothesis was quickly dismissed with the 0-0 draw. Hopefully, this will prompt the return of the classic white and blue kits come June 2nd vs. China.

Once again, my opinion was not solicited for Eric Wynalda's red card/yellow card/game ball feature. The yellow card to NY Red Bull for continuing to play on turf was unusual - the club doesn't own the field it plays on. If anything, the criticism is misdirected, as Red Bull is at the mercy of the powers that be at The Meadowlands over the turf they play on. If Wynalda really wanted to point out the evils of artificial turf currently pervading MLS pitches, he should have called out Bob Kraft, who recently installed field turf at Gillette Stadium. A red card for FIFA President Sepp Blatter for the reported lack of preparation on the part of South Africa for the 2010 FIFA World Cup also seemed to be misdirected. The idea that South Africa is unprepared is one that was fodder for internet chat rooms about six months ago. Game ball to Landon Donovan for his chase of Wynalda's own 34 career US MNT goal plateau appeared to be more of a "I swear I don't hate him for potentially breaking my record this year" statement. Eric, I was never under the impression that you spited Landycakes in the first place. In any event, it was classy remark that your only regret “was not being able to play with him.” A nice statement made by a guy who, curiously, couldn't stick with a club for longer than a season or two during his professional career. Hmmm…

Now, I will give a game ball to you, Eric Wynalda. Every US MNT and MLS game should be called by you. You are refreshingly unabashed in your on-air criticisms of players, refs, and coaches alike, however wrong or right you are. Yet, you are dire need of a new writer for your halftime feature. I hear there's this Portuguese kid with an Irish name that is quite the writer -maybe he could help you out with this.

Without any more National Team games until the post-Memorial Day weekend, you have been given a reprieve of my tired rants and commentary of said games for 64 days. In the meanwhile, beware of the forthcoming bashing I shall unleash on US Soccer once they make an announcement on the managerial position.

US-Ecuador Post Game Thoughts

Quick thoughts after yesterday's US-Ecuador friendly:

Although the US got on board right after the rooster crowed with Landon Donovan's twine kisser less than a minute in, the squad really wasn't clicking on all cylinders until the end of the first half. There was much confusion between defenders Oguchi Onyewu and Jimmy Conrad, who looked about as stumped as Nicole Ritchie and Paris Hilton on an episode of Jeopardy! The Ecuadoreans acquitted themselves well as they kept the US defenders flat-footed until the Gold and Blue ultimately ran out of 93 octane around the 50th minute. Give Ecuadorean forwards Caicedo and Carlos Tenoriouch credit for really giving the Americans a formidable test, and quite honestly, forcing Bob Bradley's boys to drop it into fifth gear a few times.

The most impressive aspect of the game besides the Landon Donovan hat trick was the string of one-touch passing in the midfield. Playing refined and rather beautifully at times, this appeared to be a different look for the squad, perhaps due to the newbies (Benny Feilhaber and Michael Bradley). A preview of coming attractions? I certainly hope so.

Along the same lines, the one touch passing and more attack-minded soccer on display has changed my opinion of the US Men's National Team coaching situation. Before yesterday, I held the opinion that Bob Bradley wasn't the man for the job. I stand corrected. If yesterday’s game was indicative of how the team will be playing during the upcoming Gold Cup and Copa America tournaments, then Bradley has shown that the dreaded "interim" tag is no longer deserved. Give the man the job already, Sunil. Bradley has yet to lose, and has beaten two pretty good teams. Too much has been invested to turn back and start from scratch. And I don't care if Jurgen Klinsmann has a sudden change of heart...Bradley has already shown he is capable. What's the phrase I'm thinking of? Oh yeah...one in the hand is better than two in the bush. Give Bradley the job already, and be done with it. I haven't seen this kind of indecision since Colie kept waffling between her boyfriend and Alex on the Real World Denver.

Landon, Landon, Landon (one for each goal)...where was this little goal-scoring streak of yours last summer? Dude, you go off on a goal scoring heist (5 goals in 3 games in 2007) and you have alot of people wondering "What's with this guy?" Please, rip that damn "Hello, My Name Is: Inconsistent" label of your chest and continue your brilliant play throughout the summer. Please Landycakes, do this when it really counts!

Along with the great flashes of brilliance, there were some unfortunate lowlights. You could see Clint Dempsey wanted to open it up a bit, but just couldn't find his rhythm. Same thing for his buddy Eddie Johnson. Both of them are much better than what they’ve showed during the past two games.

Welcome back, DeMarcus Beasly. Glad you could join us this time around.

If you want to know what I thought about those Orlando Magic-like pinstriped jerseys, refer to my previous post on this very topic. And yes, I still feel the same way, even after watching them in action under the warm sunny Tampa sun. They still suck. I just hope the team doesn't feel that these sweatshop specials are somehow lucky and wear them again and again.

How about that Raymond James Stadium pitch? It looked like Tiger Woods and Sergio Garcia had a chip-shot competition there the day before. Some of the passes uncomfortably took lives of their own, causing more missed connections than a Jet Blue flight. As I was watching the US-El Salvador U-17 game (which also took place at RJS) on ussoccer.com over my Corn Flakes and OJ before the US-Ecuador lunchtime tilt, there were more than a few instances where many passes were bouncing and diverting from their intended destinations. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the primary tenant of Raymond James, haven't played a snap there since December. And even though there were a handful of college bowl games played there in January, one would have to believe that there would still be plenty of time to prepare the pitch for soccer. There's no excuse for these sub-par field conditions.

Speaking of the Bucs...how annoyed was Bruce Arena at Dave O'Brien's comparison of Oguchi Onyewu to a football player (namely Bucs receiver Michael Clayton)? Yes, Bruce, we know you're fed up with the mundane comparison, but do us a favor and just suck it up, please. We soccer fans were all newbies at one point, and if a simple (albeit, exhausted) comparison of Gooch's stature to that of a football player induces some tangible insight for some newcomers, please, remove yourself from the booth. Go back to the Meadowlands and coach that fine senior squad you've assembled there. Thanks.

No one asked me what I thought of Eric Wynalda's inaugural red card/yellow card/game ball halftime feature. I liked it...especially when he called out US Soccer President Sunil Gulati to make up his damn mind about the coaching issue. However, the yellow card for Alexi Lalas warning him not to get wrapped up in the David Beckham hype was weird, although his point for doing it was admirable. Wynalda asserted that, despite the deserved attention Becks will receive when he touches down in LA, Lalas should not forget about making sure Cobi Jones, who will call it a career after 2007, gets his fair share of attention as well. Kudos, Mr. Wynalda.

For more uninspired analysis, check back Wednesday night after the US-Guatemala game. Until then, Death to the Pinstripes and Long Live Landycakes!

USA Unviels Third Jersey vs. Ecuador

Soccer fans, US Soccer has just found another means to weasel its way into your discretionary spending.

An announcement made today trumpeted the arrival of the moment every enthusiast has waited for: another alternate jersey. Yes, the royal and white-pinstriped wonder that is being tabbed as the 2007 US MNT Third Jersey will finally grace its glitzy self upon the Star-Spangled banner scene this Sunday, when Bob "Don't Call Me Interim Manager" Bradley unleashes his footballing troops against the Ecuadorean Enemy in Tampa, Florida.

Waitaminute...I'm hearing crickets...what? You guys aren't excited about this great new piece of clothing that will show not only your patriotism but your unabashed fashion sense?

Well, I have a confession: neither am I. The jersey itself screams "cheap Wal-Mart imitation." And pinstripes? White pinstripes on a dark jersey? That's so ten years ago

C'mon US Soccer! You guys can do better than this! You already have! The 2006 US MNT third jerseys - which harkened back to the 1950 World Cup models - were instant classics, not only because of their historic wink to one of the greatest upsets in World Cup history, but because they simply looked swell. I know they were proclaimed as a one-time/send-off jersey, but to be greeted with this unspectacular vertically-striped abhorration?

Heck, royal blue isn't even an official color of the squad. Yes, I know, at some point it was. That point was during the 1990s, a decade when even denim was considered fair game for a US soccer jersey. At least those jerseys - those beautiful monstrosities- had a certain unique what-were-they-thinking charm. These shiny shirts - even Britney wouldn't be caught wearing one (In other words: Avoid this jersey like Fido avoids contaminated puppy chow).