Sunday, March 08, 2009


-You idiot, MLS!

How could you just let David Beckham get away with that? You owned his rights, had him under contract for another three years, and you blew it! You just go ahead and let him stay at A.C. Milan beyond his March 9th curfew? What were you thinking? 0101010101!!!

For God sakes, MLS, I wished you had used your cojones.* The worst part of this whole fiasco isn’t that Becks got exactly what he wanted, short of Rebecca Loos and her skanky drawers. The worst part was that the League sat back and was pushed around worse than wuss Fredo Corleone. MLS, you got served.

(*Props to Texas Soccer Republic for the clarification.)

The worst part is that this situation sets a horrible precedent for any other international star wishing to play in MLS. No need to honor your contract. We’ll simply loan you out to the club of your choice once you lose interest. If you like it there, by all means, stay for the remainder of the season. Don’t worry about us. We’ll anxiously await your return.

MLS = Major League Sissies.

-R.I.P. The Beckham Four Pack, 2007-2008, the only way I could convince hot chicks to come with me to a soccer game

-The New England Revolution won’t play a single MLS opponent this preseason. And I feel fine.

-Speaking of the Revs, reports are that Steve Nicol’s got his eyes on a couple of African defenders to help shore up what may be a four man backline given Michael Parkhurst’s departure.

-Memo to the Chicago Fire: don’t loan out Cuauhtemoc Blanco. Ever.

-Speaking of the Fire, Chicago looks like it's ripping pages right out of the A.C. Milan textbook on how to put together an all-geriatric XI. I know nursing homes are big business, but c'mon, this is professional soccer dammit!

-Now all they need to do is pirate an aging, modelesque midfielder. I wonder what Giorgio Chinaglia's doing right now....

-As troubling as it’s been to see the Beckham fiasco blow up in MLS’s face, the league’s got to breathing an enormous sigh of relief in knowing that its oh-so-flamboyant media gadfly, Landon Donovan, will be back.

-By the way, L.A. will be much, much better this season, with or without Becks. Aside from flying charter, of course.

-Their interstadium rivals, Chivas USA, will contend it can stay healthy, which is no easy task given that half the league's defenders still resort to flailing no-ball tackles.

-Healthy or not, Houston will struggle without D-Ro, and they should, because you just don't let a guy like that go unless he's got bad pics of your wife/girlfriend/friend with benefits.

-Apparently, it’s down to Vancouver and Portland for the latest round of expansion, with Barca backing out of Miami and St. Louis still struggling to propose a serious bid. The after-effects of the Beckham Saga supposedly left Barca kinda squeamish about Miami. So thank you Becks, I owe you an enormous amount of gratitude for keeping MLS out of Miami, thereby depriving me an opportunity to head down to South Beach on a "professional" basis in the near future.

-By the way, it’s a travesty that St. Louis, a historical soccer hotbed, still does not have an MLS club of its own in 2009. I don't know how much longer the soccer gods' patience can be tested.

-Oh yeah, you spring’s just around the corner when Revolution radio spots start creeping in between me lip-synching Lady Gaga and Britney Spears.*

(*Holy crap, did I just publish that out loud?)

-Here’s hoping that Taylor Twellman is A-OK, even if it means he has to hang up the boots in the wake of several concussions.

-When Steve Ralston retires – which may or may not occurr until one of those flying cars in Back to the Future Part II appear in the vicinity of a Revolution soccer spec stadium* – his boots should be immediately bronzed like my baby shoes.

(*I should have said "when a Teletubby becomes President," but then I realized that's a lot more likely to happen than the conditions set forth above.)

-D.C United will rebound this season. Kansas City won’t.

-Real Salt Lake is quietly putting together a club that will contend for years, a thought that seemed all but improbable only less 18 months ago. This just proves that everything that happens in a market like Salt Lake City is done quietly.

-Do MLS clubs really care about CONCACAF Champions League?

-And does CCL provide the strongest argument for promotion/relegation in MLS?

-Quiz of the Week: Which original Boston Breaker recently signed on with the Breakers this past week?

-I don’t know why, but I miss Dave O’Brien calling MLS matches. Same with Eric Wynalda.

-I also miss Brandi Chastain on the sidelines. But for different reasons...

-Kudos to the Revs for introducing the economically-friendly $200 season ticket for a seat in The Fort, even if the phrase “a seat in The Fort” is a misnomer.

-If there’s one positive about the whole Beckham drama, it’s that it makes me even itchier than Lindsay Lohan for actual MLS on-the-pitch action.

-Well, that and not having to hear me talk about it anymore.

-The Carolina Challenge Cup tournament is exactly what MLS needs more of to intensify its bland, Nilla Wafer-like preseason.

-I’ll probably say it again, but I will miss the Reserve League, a wonderful forum for kids and families to watch professional soccer not only for free, but in a refreshingly informal atmosphere. That, and the occasional opportunity to become a de facto ball boy. I know. I'm a freaking soccer geek.

-I know you haven’t forgotten, but there’s only ten days until First Kick 2009, and 19 days until WPS season opener. God, I love soccer geekdom!


Anonymous said...


Very good blog --though we don't necessarily agree with all your opinions--and excellent decision to address all soccer freaks like all of us.

By the way, Brian, you meant to say "COJONES" (balls). "CAJONES" would be "drawers" in Spanish.

The best.
Texas Soccer Republic

BrianTheOC said...

Thanks for the clarification on my espanol, which clearly needs some work...that'll teach me from posting just shy of 1am.

Thanks again!