An emphatic Revolution win, and commemorative 9/11 jerseys

I may have, at some point, asserted that I am carrying nine (9) credits of English courses this semester. If I did not, I apologize. I am carrying nine (9) credits of English courses this semester. There you go.


Now, with that out of the way, I have to admit that I was kept from the Revolution-Chivas USA match due to said academic obligations. While the clubs were battling each other on national TV, thus exposing the rest of the country to Gillette Stadium's vomit-inducing football lines, I was held in abeyance writing mission statements and preparing my very first performaing arts review.


Prior to the match and my class - both of which began at 7:00pm - I was briefed with an e-mail from the Revolution about a commemoartive jersey auction of tonight's game-worn jerseys. The jerseys feature a commemorative badge similar to the one adorned on MLS jerseys shortly after September 11, 2001. The starting bid is $100.00, and 100% of the proceeds go to charity.


I have a theory about game-worn jerseys. What happens to its value if the squad gets lit up for four goals (again)? Do I really want an actual artifact from a horribly played game? Do I want the negative vibes associated with the jersey permeating through my walk-in closet? Methinks not. Therefore, I suggest the following: if the team loses by a goal, you get a 10% discount. A two-goal loss: 20%. And so on. You see, I am for the American consumer. This is my platform. Lower prices on jerseys for everyone. Because everyone deserves a hearty meal on the table, a roof over his/her head, and a game-worn jersey in every closet in America. Yes, we can.



Luckily, it was the Revvies* who scored the four goals instead of their opponent, and likely sending the value of those jerseys well above the opening bid of a bill. God bless Steve Ralston, the man largely responsible for the victory, and whose jersey is most likely to be the most costly of them all. If you do one thing in this life - whether it be washing dishes, blasting a shuttlecock, or Guitar Hero - do it well. And that's what Rally does - he plays soccer incredibly well. (Not that I'm saying that's the only thing he does well. I'm sure he's a fine fisherman as well, per his bio.)

(*A friend of mine at my gym - an avid soccer fan, mind you - calls them the "Revvies", and I can't say why I love that. Maybe it's because I'd never seen it typed out. Hence, you may have just witnessed the first "Revvies" reference to the Revs.)



In recent memory, I've never seen a team's fortunes so heavily dictated by the presence of a single player, save for the Red Sox of July 2008 and Manny Ramirez, who unquestionably contributed to their late-July slide. Needless to say, his influence was particularly negative. It was anti-Ralston. He had to go. He was a statue at the plate. A duffel bag could have played better defense.



Conversely, Ralston's influence is nothing but postive. He's been asked to play in the back, middle, and up front, and does it without complaint. He's the consummate leader, and without question, the epitome of what the captain's title entails. Plus, even at 34, he's still one of the most skilled players in the league. Whether as an attacking or right-sided mid, the Revolution becomes instantly better with his presence on the pitch. Here's a simple recipe for making any MLS club instantly better: just add Steve Ralston.*

(*Can be replaced with Guillermo Barros Schelotto. See "Crew, Columbus.")

With that out of the way, it was good to see such a comprehensive victory on part of the local lads. In the second half, the attack was just an absolute beast. You know things are going well when Khano Smith somehow manages to send an accurate shot into the back of the net. Steve Nicol commented that even a 1-0 victory would have "great." But I think four goals really drives home the point that the Revs are once again a club to be feared going into the homestretch.

By the way, I don't have the club's media guide in front of me, but last night's result may have been a first. I don't think a Revolution club has ever followed a 0-4 loss with a 4-0 victory. I could be very wrong, but this may have been the first time it's ever been done.