Worst SuperDraft report ever

Now that I've nestled somewhat comfortably into the soccer community, I've taken a gander at Buzz Carrick's wonderful "Top 10" lists of prospects, neatly categorized by position, and picked My Guys - the Guys that I think the Revs should take in Friday's SuperDraft. Whic begs the question, 'Why on Earth is the draft taking place on a Friday afternoon???' Talk about anti-climactic! How do they expect to compete for ratings with quaility television in the form of Days of Our Lives during the same time-slot??? What viewing audience are they expecting to attract - the stay at home mom???

F Jeffrey Gonsalves
If the name sounds familiar, it's because of these two reasons, 1. You're one of the seven people not related to me who read my blog religiously, knowing that I mentioned him in my December 8 entry, or 2. You're Portuguese, you live in RI or Southeastern MA and pay attention to the URI men's soccer team and/or just love college soccer in general, or are related to him. Ok, so I cheated on the last reason. Regardless, Gonsalves was a scoring dynamo for the Rhody Rams in 2006, socing 18 goals and 5 assists, whileleading the Atlantic 10 in shots (82), and was named a a Third-Team All-American...now tell me the Revs can't use a guy like that? The more I read about the kid, the more I'll be pissed when he's selected before the Revs' 12th pick in the first round. Note to Nicol - trade up for this kid!

M Nico Colaluca
Nico's got three things going for him, all of which I like: 1. he's from Rhode Island (like your humble, 2012 Pulitzer-Prize winning author), 2. he practiced with the Revs over the summer, so his familiarity with Nicol & Co. is an advantange, and 3. He's was an outstanding player for the Virginia Cavaliers in 2006, scoring 7 goals and 10 assists en route to one being named Second-Team All-American this season. A little bit of offensive spark couldn't hurt the Revs now could it? Methinks not.


M Corey Ashe
Feel free to to grab the 2 x 4 and violently whack me over the head repeatedly after making the following prediction: Corey Ashe will be the Clint Dempsey-type player I salivate over like a three-legged dog over a t-bone. Sure, Ashe is shorter (5-6) than The Deuce (6-1), but plays the attacking midfield/forward position pretty damn well for a premier college soccer program (UNC). Plus, he's one of the fastest players in the nation, which leads me to my next point: speed kills. How that translates to the technical aspects of soccer, I have no idea, but it looks good. But anyway, I'm hoping the kid's a sleeper, and falls right into the hands of a New England midfield that could see itself overhauled if the Revs find themselves without Shalrie Joseph, Clint Dempsey, and Others in 2007 (I will omit their names for fear of starting a soccer controversy not unlike the one I started last week, when I reported that QPR was looking to sign Avery John. I won't even go into the s**t storm that resulted from that one).


As I was writing this column, I came to an epiphany: I thought I loved soccer. The Angelina Jolie to my Brad Pitt, if you will (that came out completely wrong, but I'll leave it there as a token reminder of how much of an idiot I can be). I was wrong. I LOVE soccer, and am obsessed with it more than hollywood vixens obsess about their weight. I thought I was going to have difficulty putting together a poor-man's draft report given my limited knowledge of college soccer. But I have to thank Google and Buzz Carrick's draft reports for the at-hand knowledge. Thank you all.

Note: If the Revs do not draft one of these players, I will boil some water and dump it down my throat. C'mon Steve, do it for me...DO IT FOR ME!

One final tidbit: according to New England Soccer News , the Revs reporting date for training camp is February 2. What's that Lil 'Jon? YEEEAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!