I laughed. I chortled. I even snorted a little during that chortle.
Mainstream American sport media is silly. Like, four-year-old pixie stick addict after five Red Bulls silly.
On Tuesday, we – and by we, I mean ESPN’s army of 25-49-year-old male viewers – saw some illicit – at least it looked it – video of Tom Brady throwing a football on the Gillette Stadium turf prior to the 2009 NCAA Men’s Lacrosse Championship on Memorial Day. Empty stadium. Faceless receiver. One ongoing loop of the world’s most handsome quarterback in sweats and a red tee firing the pigskin on a sunny Monday morning. And within minutes, a million or so 40-something guys and their 11-year-old daughters were texting/tweeting OMG! OMG! TB’s backkkkkkk!<3
Love it.
Journalism at its finest.
One shot of Tom Brady throwing a football is enough to give the guys at WEEI two months’ worth of disturbing male fantasies. And I thought my bromances with Zachary Quinto and Christian Bale were bad.
Interestingly enough, another injured superstar that calls Gillette Stadium his office. And I’m in dire need of another semi-creepy video of a player on the mend.
Someone – anyone, even Matt Walsh – needs to get out a video camera or their iPhone or Blackberry and find Taylor Twellman playing kick the ball against a wall inside Gillette. I want it played over and over. I want Chris Mortenson – I mean, Allen Hopkins – on the phone dissecting the non-story as if it was like some terrorist spy cable or the unveiling of the KFC Original recipe.
I want Dynamite (get it? His nickname is “TnT” because his first name starts with a “T” and his last name also starts with a “T.” God, I’m clever!) in a fashionable, nondescript tee and a pair of loose three-quarters pants. Yeah, manpris. I don’t care from whom or where he’s receiving passes, but I need to see him kicking the ball about. Bouncing on his heels. Juggling. Headbanging. Anything that shows him testing his neck sprain.
ESPN needs to lead this on its 6pm SportsCenter.
Get it done, Bristol. Or L.A. Or wherever J.P. Dellacamera is right now.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
I'm back, but I'm not BAD
OK, so where was I?
Oh yeah, I was at Breakers Media Day, getting acquainted with the players and coaches, saying hello to some of my peers, and eating free food. It's a perk. That, and the free media guides, which are supposedly quite the collector's item after only thirty seven years or something, which reminds me, is about the same amount of time that’s passed since I've last posted.
First of all, my B. If I could type that in 72-font and not have it look silly, I would. Honest. Because I really do feel bad about that. I've had like three - THREE - people ask about my blog, and why it hasn't been updated, and why I’ve abandoned it, and why it's still stuck on March 30th. And so on.
In all honesty, school once again got the better of me. Being an English major is not conducive to regular blogging. At all. One bit. Insert another two-word line here. I think it has something to do with the 1,623 page papers and reading 7,236 page books. I don't know. Just a hunch.
Anyway, all blame aside, I've been thinking about a focus. I tend to write about alot of random things. The Revs, Breakers, Stingrays, some Portuguese Liga, some local ethnic soccer league stuff...it all makes for a crazy soccer salad. But a delicious (not to mention, free) salad nonetheless.
I'm still undecided. I'm leaning in the direction of giving it a Breakers focus because I won't lie: I love the Breakers. I love everything about them. Their matches (exciting), their stadium (beautiful), their staff (helpful), Alex Scott's British accent (charming) and Tony DiCicco's post-match pressers (entertaining) all make it a lot of fun - yes, fun - to cover them on a regular basis. You see? I’m not lying – I actually love this stuff, even during the rare instances when I’m not tethered to my computer. I love it like, as 50 Cent would say, a fat kid loves cake.
So yeah, I’m back. I think. Of course, I won’t officially be back until I string together a series of publishable, somewhat reputable posts. I mean, if you saw Terminator: Salvation and that part where a young Arnold shows up as the T1000 for like a 37-second silent cameo, we all know that’s not what Arnie circa 1991 meant when he said “I’ll be back.”
I like to think that I’ve got more than that in the tank. Trust me. It’s gonna be crazy…well, as crazy as one can be on a soccer blog. Let’s not raise the bar to Perez Hilton or 38Pitches heights. I don’t have trashy pictures, first-hand insight, or Heather Mitts’ phone number. Sadly. But, take heart – I can be occasionally witty, even while sober, and I tend to form many semi-logical opinions, just not always in this neck of the internets.
More to come. Pinky promise.
Oh yeah, I was at Breakers Media Day, getting acquainted with the players and coaches, saying hello to some of my peers, and eating free food. It's a perk. That, and the free media guides, which are supposedly quite the collector's item after only thirty seven years or something, which reminds me, is about the same amount of time that’s passed since I've last posted.
First of all, my B. If I could type that in 72-font and not have it look silly, I would. Honest. Because I really do feel bad about that. I've had like three - THREE - people ask about my blog, and why it hasn't been updated, and why I’ve abandoned it, and why it's still stuck on March 30th. And so on.
In all honesty, school once again got the better of me. Being an English major is not conducive to regular blogging. At all. One bit. Insert another two-word line here. I think it has something to do with the 1,623 page papers and reading 7,236 page books. I don't know. Just a hunch.
Anyway, all blame aside, I've been thinking about a focus. I tend to write about alot of random things. The Revs, Breakers, Stingrays, some Portuguese Liga, some local ethnic soccer league stuff...it all makes for a crazy soccer salad. But a delicious (not to mention, free) salad nonetheless.
I'm still undecided. I'm leaning in the direction of giving it a Breakers focus because I won't lie: I love the Breakers. I love everything about them. Their matches (exciting), their stadium (beautiful), their staff (helpful), Alex Scott's British accent (charming) and Tony DiCicco's post-match pressers (entertaining) all make it a lot of fun - yes, fun - to cover them on a regular basis. You see? I’m not lying – I actually love this stuff, even during the rare instances when I’m not tethered to my computer. I love it like, as 50 Cent would say, a fat kid loves cake.
So yeah, I’m back. I think. Of course, I won’t officially be back until I string together a series of publishable, somewhat reputable posts. I mean, if you saw Terminator: Salvation and that part where a young Arnold shows up as the T1000 for like a 37-second silent cameo, we all know that’s not what Arnie circa 1991 meant when he said “I’ll be back.”
I like to think that I’ve got more than that in the tank. Trust me. It’s gonna be crazy…well, as crazy as one can be on a soccer blog. Let’s not raise the bar to Perez Hilton or 38Pitches heights. I don’t have trashy pictures, first-hand insight, or Heather Mitts’ phone number. Sadly. But, take heart – I can be occasionally witty, even while sober, and I tend to form many semi-logical opinions, just not always in this neck of the internets.
More to come. Pinky promise.
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